Managing Racing Thoughts That Keep You Awake

What are racing thoughts?

Have you ever been trying to fall asleep, but your thoughts just wouldn’t stop? One minute you were sleepily dragging yourself under the covers, and the next your heart was pounding and your thoughts were racing and your breaths were coming in short and quick?

Racing thoughts aren’t uncommon–we all deal with them from time to time. Some people experience them during the day, but often our daily routines and responsibilities and the general business of life keeps our minds occupied more naturally. 

At night however, suddenly your brain can’t shut off, you’re feeling all of that stress you didn’t have time to focus on during the day all over again without anything else to occupy your mind. Now, maybe even more so because now you have the added stress of not being able to fall asleep when you need to. This can also make your racing thoughts feel impossible to fight against–you want to sleep so you just lay there, but then just laying there gives more opportunity for your thoughts to race. 

What does it feel like to experience racing thoughts? 

When your thoughts are racing, it feels like an endless spiral you can’t get out of. Any attempt to end your thoughts just leads you down a new avenue for more spiraling thoughts, and on and on and on. 

There’s a physical response as well: pounding heart, increased sweating, and breaths coming in short, quick bursts. Your body is basically in a stress response, which puts it on high alert, making it physically harder to get back to that feeling of sleepiness. 

Why do racing thoughts happen?

Racing thoughts can be a symptom of a larger mental health concern such as: 

• Anxiety or Panic disorder

• Bipolar disorder

• Post traumatic stress disorder

• Obsessive compulsive disorder

• ADHD

If you’re experiencing racing thoughts chronically, take time to talk to your therapist and doctor, because there may be a larger issue to be addressed with medicine or therapeutic treatment, or both. 

But chronic conditions aren’t the only things that cause racing thoughts. Other things that can influence the frequency of racing thoughts at night can include: 

• Times of high stress: If you’re struggling in your relationship, navigating family, financial or professional stress, trying to juggle the stress that comes up around the holidays, spikes in your stress levels can precipitate an increase in racing thoughts as you’re trying to sleep. 

• Big transitions: A new job, moving, ending or beginning a relationship, beginning parenthood, etc. can all bring on major stress, which can in turn bring on the racing thoughts. 

• Some medications: If your racing thoughts began around the time you’ve started a new medication, it’s good to bring it up with your prescribing doctor. 

• Caffeine consumption: try to avoid caffeine after 6pm, drinking coffee or caffeinated soda/tea too close to when you go to bed can stimulate your brain and make it harder for you to fall asleep. 

What to do when your thoughts are racing: 

Mindful breathing practices:

Practicing mindful breathing helps both to calm your body as it slows and steadies with your breath, but it also helps you to reroute your thoughts away from the spiral and into the present moment. Some mindful breathing exercises you can try are: 

• 4-7-8 breathing: Inhale for 4 seconds, hold your breath for seven seconds, release for 8 seconds, and repeat. 

• Box breathing: breathe in, hold breath, breathe out, hold breath, repeat. 

• Diaphragmatic breathing: Breathing from your diaphragm, inhaling as fully and slowly as possible, exhaling and repeating. 

Get up and do something (then go back to bed): 

There is nothing else for your mind to latch onto when you’re trying to go to sleep, so it’s easy to get trapped in racing thoughts.If mindful breathing doesn’t help slow your body and mind down, pick something small to get out of bed and do. Get something to eat, a glass of water, read a chapter of a book, do a few stretches. Give your mind an opportunity to get tired, then get back in bed and go back to your breathing exercises to help sleep come faster. 

Establish better sleep hygiene:

Create a routine that helps you slow down your thoughts and relax your body before bed. Adding a few minutes of calming stretching can help slow and deepen your breathing and allow your body to relax and it can also help you practice mindfulness which will in turn help you manage racing thoughts in the future.

Explore the root cause and long term treatment options with your therapist:

Whether you’re going through a period of high stress or a big life transition, getting curious about what is prompting your racing thoughts in therapy can help you better learn how to manage them. Or, if a more chronic condition is at the root, they can help guide you through the next steps for treatment. 

If you need more support, contact us today! Our therapists can help you address and resolve your racing thoughts. 

5 Strategies for Overcoming Social Anxiety at Holiday Gatherings

Do you look forward to holiday gatherings, or do you await them with dread? 

The holidays can be a time of mixed emotions for many. Even when there are things to look forward to, the social pressure of the holiday season can be overwhelming. People who deal with social anxiety often have a hard time during the holidays because there are so many gatherings and events during the holiday season between work, family, friends, and kids. The fear, discomfort, and stress that people with social anxiety feel around social gatherings can make the holiday season an uncomfortable time of year. 

Even when you don’t have a lot on your calendar for the holidays, social anxiety can still play a role. It can be hard to see what others are up to on social media, and seeing others have a seemingly perfect holiday can bring up some complicated feelings. Even though we’re only seeing the highlight reel, it can be hard to keep that in mind when you’re feeling vulnerable. Remember that social media makes other people’s lives seem perfect, but they aren’t actually perfect.

What is social anxiety?

Social anxiety disorder, also known as social phobia, is more than just being shy. In fact, it’s possible to be shy and not have social anxiety disorder. Social anxiety disorder significantly interferes with daily life because the discomfort and fear that people feel often drives them to avoid social situations entirely. 

People with social anxiety may feel like they’re physically unable to participate in social situations due to the intense fear, embarrassment, and anxiety they feel. For many people with social anxiety, it’s easier to not attend at all than to go and experience all of this distress. 

So, how can you make sure social anxiety doesn’t get in the way of enjoying events you attend during the holiday season? Here are 5 strategies for overcoming social anxiety at holiday gatherings:

Get there early

If you’re nervous about a gathering over the holidays, try to get there on the earlier side. There will be fewer people there and you can get used to the environment without being overwhelmed by people all at once. It's less stressful to walk into a mostly empty room than to walk into a packed gathering. It might also be helpful to bring someone with you so that you know you’ll have a friendly face to talk to who understands your limits. 

Remember you’re allowed to have different limits than other people

Social anxiety disorder is a very real condition, but not everyone understands it. Some people might give you a hard time for not being able to handle a packed social calendar during the holiday season. Remember that it’s okay for your limits to be different from someone else’s. Just because some people enjoy the bustle of the holiday season doesn’t mean that you need to. 

You're allowed to have different boundaries and needs from others, even people you care about deeply. If you’re feeling unsure or pressured, keep reminding yourself that it’s okay for your holiday season to look different than someone else’s, because we all have different needs and capacities. 

Give yourself a hard out for gatherings you’re dreading

If you’re dreading events this holiday season because of social anxiety, giving yourself some structure can help. Sometimes events are more palatable when you have a built in reason to leave at a certain time. Maybe you need to relieve the babysitter or the pet sitter. Maybe you have a meeting or an appointment, or errands to run. Try to think of something you can do to give yourself a reason to bow out of the holiday gathering 

Think of some things to talk about beforehand

If you’re not confident in your ability to small talk, there's no shame in taking a few minutes to gather your thoughts and make a list of potential conversation topics. Sometimes it’s hard to remember the answers to questions that you know because your anxiety gets in the way of thinking clearly, so rehearsing beforehand can lower your anxiety level. You don’t need to endlessly practice or ruminate on what you’ll talk about, but having some things in mind can make you feel more confident going into a holiday gathering when you have social anxiety. 

Have a couple go-to calming techniques in your back pocket

It's helpful to practice a few coping behaviors ahead of time so you can quickly use them when you’re overwhelmed in a social situation. Excuse yourself to the bathroom, and take a few deep breaths or practice progressive muscle relaxation to lower your anxiety level in the moment. Keep a list on your phone so you have easy access when you’re not home, and add to it when you find new calming techniques that work well for you. 

Remember, the holiday season doesn’t last forever, even though it seems endless when you’re dreading it. If you’re struggling with social anxiety this holiday season, working with a therapist can help. Contact our office today to make an appointment!

What is High Functioning Anxiety?

Have you ever heard of high functioning anxiety?

While high functioning anxiety isn’t an official diagnosis, this type of anxiety can be draining and isolating. People who struggle with high functioning anxiety often find themselves motivated by their anxiety to achieve their goals and to appear perfect. Often, they struggle with extreme inner turmoil while on the outside they appear successful. 

What does “high functioning” mean?

In mental health, providers look for clues about how well a person is functioning to assess how deeply they’re impacted by their disorder. Functioning basically means that a person is able to go about their day to day life without significant impairment by their mental health. 

High functioning, then, means that a person is able to function at a higher level than most people. They may be successful at work, active in their communities, outgoing, and organized. 

When someone is dealing with high functioning anxiety, they often appear to be perfect on the surface, even though underneath they are dealing with overthinking, fear of judgment or disappointing others, and racing thoughts. They may struggle with sleep or have a difficult time relaxing. Some cope with their fear of inadequacy by feeling like they can’t say no or falling into people pleasing, or even with substance abuse as a way to lower their distress. They may lose time to overthinking, rumination, and procrastination. 

People with high functioning anxiety are often praised for the positive effects of their anxiety - like being motivated to achieve, being punctual and organized, and being good problem solvers. They may feel that the trade-off for these positive traits is dealing with the negative aspects of anxiety, even when they’re overwhelming. 

How is high functioning anxiety different from regular anxiety?

Anxiety disorders are extremely common. Anxiety often leads people to avoid the situations that increase their anxiety. For example, people with social anxiety may be tempted to avoid social situations to avoid the unpleasant feelings that they bring. 

High functioning anxiety is a little different from other anxiety disorders in that it is often a motivating force. In addition, they often try to hide their symptoms to protect the illusion that they have everything under control. Anxiety can make you feel out of control of your own mind, and some people respond to this lack of control by trying to control everything else they can. 

Folks who deal with high functioning anxiety tend to deal with persistent self-criticism, high levels of stress, extreme self-doubt, and sensitivity to criticism or judgment from others. It’s common for people with this kind of anxiety to feel like they’re losing control or that their life is about to spiral out if they can’t hold it together. 

Feeling like you have to be perfect at all times can create enormous pressure. When you feel like you’re constantly on the verge of losing control, one tiny misstep can be all it takes to send you spiraling. It’s hard to enjoy life when you’re always waiting for something to go wrong.

How do you treat high functioning anxiety?

Anxiety is distressing because it takes you out of the present moment and overwhelms you. Finding ways to return to the present moment before you get carried away with your anxious thoughts can be enormously helpful when dealing with high functioning anxiety. Mindfulness practices and grounding exercises can help you practice interrupting your anxious thoughts and coming back to the present moment.

It may also be helpful to remember that anxiety can have some positive side effects. People who are anxious are often empathetic and compassionate. The problem is when anxiety gets in the way of actually enjoying your life. If your anxiety has gotten to the point where you feel you can’t enjoy your day to day, it may be time to seek professional help. Anxiety is upsetting, but it is treatable. 

If you’re struggling with high functioning anxiety, working with a therapist who is trained in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) can help you learn how to reframe your thoughts and respond in new ways when you’re distressed. CBT is particularly helpful with anxiety because it helps you identify faulty patterns of thinking that may be second nature to you after a lifetime of dealing with anxiety. Learning how to recognize the patterns that you tend to slip into when anxious can help you spot them more easily when they come up in the future. 

Working with a therapist doesn’t mean that there is anything wrong with you or that you aren’t capable and successful. Therapy can give you space to explore your fears without judgment and to learn more supportive ways to cope when you’re overwhelmed. Get in touch with our office today to learn more or schedule an appointment. 

6 Ways to Deal With Intrusive Thoughts

Have you ever had a thought pop into your head that was distressing to you? 

You probably have, because you’re human and as humans we have to deal with something called intrusive thoughts. Sometimes intrusive thoughts are about something scary or violent or otherwise socially unacceptable. Intrusive thoughts often cause extreme distress and worry, and they can be difficult to deal with in the moment. 

What are intrusive thoughts?

Intrusive thoughts are unwanted ideas, images, or urges that seem to pop into your head with no rhyme or reason. The harder you try to ignore the intrusive thoughts, the more difficult it is to block them out and focus on something else. 

We all have intrusive thoughts from time to time, and they don’t last forever. When intrusive thoughts begin to get in the way of your daily functioning, though, it can be distracting and upsetting. Many people who struggle with intrusive thoughts on a regular basis also deal with mental health conditions like anxiety, depression, or OCD. If intrusive thoughts are interfering with your daily life, it may be time to seek support from a mental health professional or your primary care doctor. 

Why are intrusive thoughts so upsetting?

One reason that intrusive thoughts are so distressing is because they can cause you to question yourself and fear your own mind. Often, intrusive thoughts are vivid ideas or images of something upsetting or an urge to do something that upsets you. When an upsetting thought or mental image comes into your head, it can make you fear that you unconsciously want to act on that thought, even when that’s not the case.

Just because you think something doesn’t mean you want to do it or that you’re a bad person. Many people struggle with their intrusive thoughts because they cause so much shame, it feels like they can’t confide in anyone about what is going on. In reality, it’s normal to have thoughts of all kinds, even upsetting ones, and you’re not alone in your experience. You might be surprised to find out that many people deal with intrusive thoughts, and there are things that you can do to help lessen the distress that they cause. 

So, how can you cope with intrusive thoughts? Here are 6 strategies to try the next time you have an upsetting intrusive thought: 

Acknowledge that they’re there

The first step to coping with your intrusive thoughts is to acknowledge that they exist. Have you ever tried to ignore something specific when it’s already on your mind? It’s really hard! Trying to ignore something makes it impossible to get out of your mind, and it will feel like a losing battle to try to pretend the intrusive thoughts aren’t there. 

Acknowledging the thoughts doesn’t mean that you are okay with them being there, it just means that you don’t have to struggle to pretend they’re not happening. Acknowledging your thoughts can free up the energy that you use trying to ignore them so you can do something to make yourself feel better. 

Focus on what’s true

There’s a skill that’s used in Dialectical Behavioral Therapy called “Check the Facts” that helps you to assess a situation to figure out what is true and what is not before you take action. It is especially helpful in situations where you’re overwhelmed by your thoughts about a situation and need help clarifying what is actually going on without your own judgments getting in the way. This skill helps you regulate your emotional response to a situation, and it can be helpful in moments where intrusive thoughts are overwhelming you. 

The next time you find yourself overwhelmed by intrusive thoughts, take a moment to slow down before reacting. It will take some practice to remember to pause and question yourself about what’s going on. Try to keep a list of questions to ask yourself when you’re trying to cope with intrusive thoughts such as: 

• Is this true? 

• What is the evidence that I have that this thought is true? 

• What is the source of this worry? Is it coming from me or someone else?

• What is the worst case scenario, and what can I do if that happens? 

Remember it won’t last forever

Take a moment to calm down and remind yourself that the distress you are feeling in this moment will pass. Your intrusive thoughts won’t last forever, and you won’t be stuck in this moment forever, either. Thoughts are temporary. Try repeating a mantra like “This too shall pass,” or “It came, so it can go,” to remind yourself of this. 

Distract yourself 

Sometimes distraction isn’t a helpful coping skill, but in situations where you’re extremely distressed, distraction can be exactly what you need. There’s nothing wrong with trying to focus your attention on something else until the upsetting thoughts have passed. 

Try to distract yourself with things like playing with a pet, listening to music, going for a walk, creating art, or working on a puzzle. Pick something that you can get immersed in, so it will be easier for you to distract yourself until the thoughts have passed. 

Try a grounding exercise

Intrusive thoughts take you out of the present moment and lead you to worry or ruminate over something that’s not happening right now. Using a grounding technique or even a mindfulness practice can help you feel more connected to the present moment instead of getting pulled away by the intrusive thought. Use a grounding exercise like the 5-4-3-2-1 technique, where you name 5 things you see, 4 things you hear, 3 things you feel, 2 things you smell, and 1 thing you taste to help reorient yourself to the present moment. 

Get help from a therapist

Intrusive thoughts can be very upsetting and working with a therapist can help you explore what’s going on. Therapy can help you find strategies to cope that work best for your situation, and can help you be compassionate with yourself in the moment. It takes practice to cope with intrusive thoughts effectively, and therapy can be a helpful source of support as you practice these new skills. 

If you’d like to speak with a therapist about your intrusive thoughts, our therapists in DC, Maryland, and Virginia have appointments available! Get in touch with our office today to set up an appointment!

5 Ways to Deal with Rumination

5 Ways to Deal with Rumination

Have you ever felt like you were stuck in the same thought loop, no matter how distressing it is? 

When you get stuck in a never ending loop of negative thoughts about a situation, you might be ruminating. This distressing pattern of thinking can be hard to break out of, but there are things you can do to help yourself when you find yourself stuck in rumination. 

What is rumination?

Rumination is “obsessional thinking involving excessive, repetitive thoughts or themes that interfere with other forms of mental activity.”

Rumination is different from other kinds of thinking in that it keeps you focused on the negative and is hard to break out of. Rumination becomes a problem when you can only focus on the negative parts of situations or when your thoughts become excessive or overly repetitive, because it causes distress. 

The key to rumination is that no action is taken to lower the feelings of distress - it just becomes a cycle of obsessive thinking without a solution. 

Why is ruminating unhelpful?

It's not always a bad thing to focus on something. Sometimes, it’s helpful to do some deep thinking about a situation. Thinking about things from the past can help you learn lessons from past mistakes and increase your level of self-awareness. Considering future situations can help you prepare yourself for what’s coming. 

Ruminating doesn’t help with any of these things, because it relies on inaction. When you don’t take action to either apply the lessons you’ve learned or prepare yourself for what’s coming, it’s hard to get out of this negative thought process. Rumination keeps you stuck in a state of worry and distress, instead of allowing you to move forward. 

The next time you get stuck ruminating on a situation, remember you don’t have to stay there. Here are 5 things you can do to stop ruminating and lower your distress: 

Distract yourself

When something distressing is happening to you, it’s okay to distract yourself from it. Distraction isn’t always the best solution to dealing with feelings, because it can lead to ignoring or repressing them, which can have negative consequences. When you’re stuck in a thought pattern that you can’t get out of, though, sometimes the best thing you can do is distract yourself. 

Distraction can help redirect your attention onto something less distressing, so you can break the cycle of rumination. Try watching a new show or movie that has an interesting plot or something complicated you can follow to take your focus away from what’s upsetting you. You can also try exercise, listening to music or a podcast, reading a book or listening to an audiobook, chatting with a friend, making art, cleaning, doing a house project, or even taking a nap. 

Make adjustments as needed 

Sometimes it can be hard to break out of rumination because you wish you had done something differently. Regret is complicated, but it can feel tempting to focus your attention on what went wrong instead of what you can do to prevent it from happening again. 

If this is the case for you, make a point of acknowledging what is painful about the situation. You can even say to yourself, “Wow, I wish I would have done that differently.” Instead of getting stuck in a shame spiral, though, remind yourself that there are things you can do to learn from this experience. Keep those lessons in mind and then try to forgive yourself for what happened. It might take time, but remember that everyone makes mistakes. You’re allowed to make mistakes too, and it doesn’t make you a terrible person. It just makes you human. 

Try a grounding or mindfulness exercise

Rumination is tricky because we often don’t realize it’s happening until we’re in the middle of it. One way to help is to try to bring yourself back to the present moment. A mindfulness practice can be helpful with this, as can grounding exercises. 

Not only will grounding or mindfulness help in the moment, practicing them regularly can help you in the future to redirect your thoughts  before you get too distressed. Grounding can help you become reacquainted with your body in the present moment. One common grounding practice is to use your senses to focus on what’s happening in the moment. Try naming 5 things you can see, 4 things you can hear, 3 things you can feel, 2 things you can smell, and 1 thing you can taste. This exercise will not only distract you from the distress of rumination, but it will also help you step out of the negative thought pattern you’re stuck in. The more you practice the easier it will be to use these skills when you need them! 

Stick to a time limit

Even when we have the best intentions to not ruminate on something, it’s easy to find yourself stuck in your thoughts. If you really feel like you need to ruminate on something for a bit, give yourself permission to do so, but set a time limit for yourself. 

Remember, rumination isn’t actually productive or helpful, it just keeps you stuck in the negative. Give yourself 20 minutes to focus on this, and then when the timer goes off, stick to your boundary and move on to something that will actually be helpful. 

Trust and believe in yourself 

Rumination can lead to lowered self-esteem because it keeps you second guessing yourself instead of moving forward. One powerful way to interrupt rumination is to remind yourself that you are capable and to believe in yourself. Think about it: you’ve survived every bad situation or mistake you’ve ever made. Even if you’d do things differently, you still made it through. You’re much more capable than you think and give yourself credit for. Having the confidence in yourself that you can get through anything can be like armor that protects you from the negative effects of rumination. So, you made a mistake. Who hasn’t? You’re still amazing, and you can still handle everything that comes your way. 

If you’re struggling with obsessive or distressing thoughts, working with a therapist can help. You don’t have to say feeling this way forever. Get in touch with our office today to make an appointment and get started. 

Finding Meaning When Life Is Scary or Confusing

 Finding Meaning When Life Is Scary or Confusing

It’s no secret that life for the past 18 months have been a lot different than any of us could have imagined. When life is scary or confusing (or both!) it can seem like it will go on like this forever. We’ve now spent the better part of 2 years putting our lives on hold because of the pandemic, which is still raging on. Tensions seem to be at an all time high. We’re all sick of the way things are, and we’re all trying to deal with it in our own way. Gone are the days when we all baked bread and stayed home - we all have had to find ways to move forward in this new reality, and that can be exhausting. If you’re feeling tired or numb right now, you’re not alone. 

When life is overwhelming, it can sometimes seem like there’s no point to anything. There is a sense of overwhelming hopelessness that can get out of control quickly. While there are plenty of things to be confused or concerned about right now, it is possible to still feel a sense of purpose.

Finding meaning can look different for everyone. Some people find meaning through creativity. Others use religion to make meaning of the world around them. Many people find meaning in their communities or in nature.When life is scary, restoring your sense of purpose can be a deep comfort. 

If you’re looking for ways to find meaning in life right now, here are 5 ideas: 

Join a community

Humans are social creatures. We are wired for connection! When things get tough, community can be a valuable resource for support. It might not be as easy to join an in-person community right now, but there are many options out there for virtual communities. Try local Facebook groups or Meetup groups. If there are any causes out there that are important to you, look into joining a community focused around that. Working together with other people who care about something as much as you do can go a long way to restoring your faith in humanity. 

Explore your values

When was the last time you explored what’s important to you? Values are what we consider to be important in life. Everyone’s values are different. Some people value privacy, and others prefer to share. Some people value promptness, and others are chronically late. There are a million different values that we can have, but it can be a helpful exercise to make a list of values that are especially resonant for you. Your values may shift over time, and that’s okay! Change is natural. That’s why it’s helpful to explore your values every so often, so you know what is important to you. Understanding your values can help you make decisions, come up with goals, and manage uncertainty. 

Try acceptance

Acceptance doesn’t mean approval. For example, you might feel frustrated that you’re caught in a rainstorm. But spending time being frustrated that you’re soaked doesn’t do anything to change the fact that it’s raining. Accepting that it’s raining doesn’t mean you approve of the rain - it just means that it’s happening. When you stop struggling against something, sometimes it has less power. Instead of spending your time focused on what is bringing you distress, what would shift if you accepted it? 

It’s also important to note that acceptance doesn’t mean that nothing will ever change or improve. Acceptance just means you’re not struggling against reality. To follow the rainstorm example, acceptance doesn’t mean that it will rain forever. 

Check cognitive distortions 

Sometimes what your brain tells you is not the truth. We all deal with faulty thinking sometimes, but it can be distressing when we don’t realize it’s happening. When you notice yourself thinking in extremes or having distressing thoughts, take a moment to check your thoughts for cognitive distortions. 

Cognitive distortions are patterns of thinking that aren't true, but that we believe. They can sneak up in a number of ways - “should” statements, all or nothing thinking, personalizing minimizing, jumping to conclusions, and discounting the positive are just some of the ways that cognitive distortions can show up. Remember, thoughts aren’t facts! 

Get to know yourself

Have you gotten to know the new you? We’ve all changed over the last year and a half, and many of us are still getting to know these new versions of ourselves. Crisis and chaos can lead to shifts in the way that we interact with the world and with ourselves, so take some time to explore what’s changed for you over this time. Are your values the same, or have they shifted? Do you have the same friends? What’s been meaningful to you over the past 18 months? 

Some ways to get to know yourself better are to journal, go to therapy, get an assessment, practice mindfulness, and try new things. 

As mentioned above, people find meaning in all sorts of ways. Spiritual practices or religion may help you find the meaning you’re looking for. Other people find meaning out in nature or spending time outdoors. What makes you feel inspired and curious? Follow that thread to find meaning. 

If you’re still struggling to find meaning when life is scary or confusing, therapy can be a great option. A trained therapist can help you find insights and solutions that work for your specific situation so you can get back to feeling like your old self again. Get in touch today to book a session. 

Mindfulness To Help Anxiety

Do you ever feel like you are overwhelmed by all of the thoughts and feelings taking up space in your head? Most of us have days where we feel like our brains won’t knock it off, but for folks living with anxiety, this can be a constant battle. Your thoughts, feelings, worries, judgments, and decisions take up a lot of space in your brain, and it can be hard to focus on anything else sometimes. One way to give yourself a buffer between you and the noise in your head is to develop a mindfulness practice. 

You’ve probably heard of mindfulness before - we’ve talked about it on the blog a few times before, and mindfulness is kind of a buzzword right now, especially in mental health and wellness spaces. Mindfulness is a practice designed to teach us how to be in the present moment.  According to PsychCentral, the act of mindfulness is “paying attention in the present moment, on purpose, nonjudgmentally.” The two big things to remember when practicing mindfulness are awareness and acceptance. Mindfulness gives us an awareness of what’s going on in our own inner world. When practicing mindfulness, it’s also important to accept yourself. Do your best to shut down any judgment or negative self-talk when they come up, and just remember to focus on the present moment. 

Mindfulness helps to take us out of the mindset where we do things automatically or out of habit.

When you’re living with anxiety, you might feel like you don’t have enough time or emotional energy to change up your routines, but when you make time regularly to notice your surroundings, both internally and externally, you will start to notice patterns that you might not have seen before. Taking note of the patterns that come up for you in your daily life can help you make better decisions in the future, plan for tricky situations, and remind yourself that you are capable of doing difficult things. 

If you’re looking for some ways to practice mindfulness that can help you manage your anxiety, here are some tips: 

Make your space more mindful

When you have a set space to practice mindfulness, you will signal to your body and brain that it’s mindfulness time every time you sit there. You don’t need to use a whole room in your house for this, but if you have a cozy spot that you can dedicate to mindfulness, even the habit of sitting in that spot can help you get in the headspace to be present and aware of your surroundings, internally and externally. Try sitting in your favorite chair, or by a sunny window, or even in a corner of your bedroom. You can personalize the space so that it is ideal for your exact needs - have soft things to touch, smells that make you feel calm or grounded, play calming or happy music. 

Don’t go it alone

Anxiety is something we largely have to deal with on our own, but mindfulness doesn’t need to be a big secret! Try involving someone else in your mindfulness practice. This doesn’t necessarily have to be someone you sit down to practice mindfulness with, but it can be someone who holds you accountable to your goal of practicing mindfulness more often. When someone else knows that you’re working toward a goal of being more mindful, it can be really motivating. 

Morning journaling

Mindfulness isn’t just about sitting still with your eyes closed. Mindfulness can be anything that makes you feel connected to the present moment, whether that’s sitting quietly on a cushion, taking a walk through the woods, or even washing your dishes. One way to help combat the overflow of thoughts that comes with anxiety is to spend some time each morning journaling. Write down anything and everything that comes to mind, without judgment. You can set a timer and just free write until you feel more focused on the present, or you can find journal prompts to help you get there if you need a little guidance. 

Notice your breathing 

Getting out of your own head can be really tricky. Try starting with your breath. Focusing your thoughts to the present takes lots of practice, so if you can’t stop your thoughts that is okay. Do your best to move on from each thought when you notice it pop up. Try to slow down your breath and really focus on each inhale and exhale. Close your eyes if it helps! 

Mindfulness is a great tool because you can practice it anywhere- all you need is your mind. When you have anxiety, you take it with you everywhere you go, so it’s extremely valuable to have tools you can use in the moment to soothe yourself. With practice, mindfulness will become easier and you can use it anytime you need a reset to focus on the current moment. If you’re trying to figure out how mindfulness can help you manage your anxiety, our clinicians can help you come up with a mindfulness practice that works for you. 

Daily Habits to Help Manage Anxiety in a Healthy Way

People living with anxiety know that managing it is often a daily struggle. Anxiety is a complicated condition, and like many mental health disorders, it can lead to a totally new routine in order to manage it. Remember, there’s a difference between anxiety and everyday stress; they aren’t exactly the same. One definition of anxiety is that it is your body’s response to having too much stress. When we’re feeling stressed, we can usually still function, but the hallmark of anxiety is that it interferes with your everyday functioning. That’s usually how you can tell if you stress has morphed into anxiety: is it interfering with the way you live your life? It’s normal to once in a while feel nervous or worried, but you don’t need to feel that way all of the time.

Waking up with a ball of anxiety in your stomach every morning is not ideal.

It can leave you feeling like you don’t even want to get out of bed. That’s why it’s helpful to establish habits that you can use every day to carry you through on the days when your anxiety is spiraling out of control. It can be almost impossible to snap yourself out of an anxious spiral, especially without practice. That’s why it’s important to find anxiety-relieving methods that work for you and then practice them until they’re second nature to you. That way, the next time you’re feeling anxious and out of control, you have something to reach for to soothe yourself. 

Fortunately, there are lots of different ways to manage anxiety. Everyone’s anxiety is a little bit different, so if something doesn’t work for you, just move on to something else. Some of the popular ways folks manage anxiety are implementing lifestyle changes, starting therapy, or taking medication. Even though these methods can be really helpful, there is still stigma attached to mental health treatment and medication. Remember that there’s nothing wrong with taking medication to manage your anxiety. Finding ways to manage your mental health is just another facet of self-care. 

Since folks who live with anxiety have to deal with it every day, a natural starting place for anxiety relief is with your daily routine. You already have habits, whether you realize it or not: what do you do every day? The key to spotting a habit is that it happens almost automatically - you don’t even have to think about it. What habits are you currently practicing that you might not be aware of? Take a few days and just notice when you do something out of habit. 

It may also be helpful to point out that most of our habits reflect our needs, after a little digging. If you habitually scroll through Instagram for a few hours every day, you might be trying to connect with people socially, or numb yourself to the hard emotions you’re feeling. Do a little digging to find out the needs that your current habits are meeting. You might be surprised! 

Here are some daily habits that can help you manage anxiety: 

Rest

Anxiety can be a sign from your body that you need to take a break. When you push yourself too hard for too long, you can put yourself at risk for burnout, and then you won’t be able to get anything done, no matter how much you want to. It’s good to notice what anxiety feels like in your body so you can pay attention to which parts of you need extra rest or care. Start getting strict about getting the right amount of sleep - it’s wild how such a small change can have a huge impact. Our bodies and brains need rest to function, so making time to rest every single day is a good way to honor that need. 

Mindfulness

A lot of anxiety comes from worry about what’s coming. Mindfulness is a powerful tool in your anti-anxiety toolbelt because it teaches you how to be present in the moment, instead of focusing on the past or the future. Even taking five minutes every day to sit and notice your surroundings and slow your breath can have a valuable impact on your anxiety levels. 

Movement 

Movement is a great way to expend any anxious energy you may be feeling. Even if you’ve thought about exercise in terms of punishment until now, you can reframe it in your head as being for your mental health. Moving your body can go a long way toward expelling that extra anxious energy that you feel. You don’t have to do hardcore exercise to reap the benefits - making time to go for a walk a few times a week can make a real difference. 

Journaling

It’s hard to move through things when we don’t give ourselves enough time and space to process them. Journaling is a quick and cheap way to check in with yourself regularly about how you’re feeling. Journaling is helpful for managing anxiety for a couple of reasons. To start, the medium forces you to slow down. You can only write one thing at a time, so the process of journaling naturally makes you work through your thoughts one at a time. Journaling also gives you a place to explore the reasons behind your feelings instead of just feeling dread and anxiety. Journaling can help you identify patterns in your thoughts, which can help you find new ways to cope. 

Intentional Social Media Usage

It is so, so easy to get stuck looking at your phone and then realize hours later that you’ve lost all that time. Our phones were designed to be addicting, so don’t feel ashamed that you get sucked into a social media spiral. One way to combat that feeling is to be really intentional with your social media usage. Unfollow or mute accounts that make you feel badly about yourself. Follow accounts that show a diverse range of body types and that share your values. If you get a bad vibe from someone every time you look at their posts, remind yourself that you can unfollow. 

Anxiety is a little different for everyone, so if these ideas don’t help you, that’s not the end of the road. Our clinicians can help you come up with an anxiety management plan that works specifically for you. 

How Grounding Techniques Can Help With Anxiety

If you’ve dealt with anxiety before, you know that it can be hard to get out of the cycle of panic on your own. When you’re in the midst of an anxious spiral, it can be almost impossible to snap yourself out of it, especially if you haven’t practiced. Anxiety is a complicated condition, but luckily there are ways to prepare yourself for your next bout of anxiety. One of the most popular ways to help manage panic or distressing thoughts is by grounding yourself. 

What is grounding?

Grounding is a practice that allows you to connect back to your body and the earth. Grounding is a great option when you want to feel more stable and relaxed. Taking the time to focus on your connection to your body and the earth can help you approach things from a place of stability, rather than panic. 

Grounding is kind of like taking a deep breath and resetting when your emotions are heightened. It allows you to take a break from the mass of thoughts and worries in your head and instead focus on being present in your body. Using a grounding technique can help break the cycle of anxious thoughts and return you to the present moment.

The techniques used in grounding aren’t limited to just anxiety relief. They can be helpful for folks dealing with PTSD, frequent bouts of dissociation, feeling the urge to self-harm, and for folks struggling with substance use. Since the point of grounding is to bring you back to the present, instead of getting lost in your thoughts and feelings, it can be a valuable way to calm yourself down quickly in any situation. 

What are some ways to practice grounding yourself? 

There are a lot of ways to ground yourself, and you don’t have to try them all. You might go through the list and try a few out and find one that works really well for you, or you might use a different technique every time. Here are some of our favorite grounding techniques to try when you feel anxious:

The 5-4-3-2-1 Method.

This method uses the senses to ground yourself. Find five things you can see, then four things you can feel, then three things you can hear, then two things you can smell, and finally, one thing you can taste. Make sure to say each thing out loud to yourself. 

Carry a grounding object.

You might find it helpful to bring a grounding object with you when you’re out and about. The object can be whatever you want it to be (rocks, soft fabrics, photographs, marbles, trinkets, crystals, etc.), just make sure it’s easy to grab when you feel your anxiety kicking up. Focus entirely on your object, using your hands to touch it and taking note of anything you feel with your body.

Make a hot beverage.

Focusing fully on the process, make a warm beverage for yourself, like coffee, tea, or hot chocolate. Carefully follow each step of the process. Take note of what your body feels during the process - use your senses as a guide. 

Use water.

Try putting your hands in water. Switch up the temperature and notice how that feels on your skin. How does the water feel on your fingers? On your palms? Does it feel the same everywhere, or does it feel different depending on the part of your hand that’s submerged?

Return to your breath.

There’s a reason why people say “take a deep breath!” when you’re worked up over something - it is a quick way to help you calm your body + brain down. Close your eyes and follow the count of your breath. Try inhaling for longer than you exhale, and vice versa. Notice what it feels like to change up the rhythm of your breath. 

Picture a stream.

Imagine that your brain is a river and your thoughts are leaves on the top of the water, floating past. For every new thought you have, picture placing it on a leaf and watching it float right on past. This is a great reminder that thoughts naturally come and go, and we don’t have to fixate on them. 

Wiggle your feet.

Sometimes you might not want to draw tons of attention to yourself when you’re trying to ground yourself. A fairly private way to ground yourself in a public place is to focus on your feet in your shoes. Wiggle your toes in your shoes, tense up your foot and then allow it to relax, stretch a little. How do your feet feel in your shoes? 

Get moving.

A great way to distract yourself is to use some of that anxious energy by moving your body. Movement doesn’t have to mean punishing your body for the way it looks, it’s just another tool in your mental toolkit to help yourself feel better. Explore ways of movement that feel good to you. If you have a hard time coming up with something, think back to the ways you liked to move as a child. Did you dance a lot? Jump rope? Hula hoop? Play a sport? See if there’s a way you can reincorporate that activity into your adult life. 

The Grounding Chair technique.

Sit straight up in your seat, with your feet on the ground and your hands on your knees. Start with some deep breaths, then take note of how your body feels in the chair. What does it feel like where your body is touching your seat? What material is the chair made of? Imagine the energy in your body moving through your body back into the earth. As you imagine the energy moving, relax your muscles and take note of how that feels. 

Observe your surroundings.

Whether you’re inside or outside, actively take a look at your surroundings. Are you warm or cold? Are you in nature? What can you see or hear? Describe your surroundings with tons of detail to yourself. 

Having a plan for when anxiety kicks up can go a long way toward making you feel better. Try out a few of these grounding techniques and see which ones work best for you. Then you have something to turn to when you’re feeling anxious and lost and are having a hard time calming yourself down. Make sure to practice these techniques when you’re feeling safe and your anxiety is low, so you can focus on mastering the techniques instead of calming your anxiety until you get the hang of it. If you need help creating a plan for your next bout of anxiety, our clinicians can help you find one that works for you. 

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counseling in falls church, mclean, tysons corner, merrifield, arlington and vienna, va

Hope+Wellness is a therapy practice serving the Falls Church, McLean, Great Falls, Vienna, Arlington, Alexandria, and the greater Washington DC region. We provide compassionate care to children, teens, and adults with stress, anxiety, and depression. Our practice is in-network with BCBS and provides Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), mindfulness and acceptance based therapies, and other top, premier evidence-based treatments. Call, email, or schedule an appointment with us online today. We’re happy to help!

Is Perfectionism Holding You Back?

What is perfectionism?

“Perfectionism is a trait that makes life an endless report card on accomplishments or looks.” That is how Psychology Today makes short work of defining perfectionism. While simple, this succinct definition of perfection hits the nail on the head. 

While achieving perfection sounds positive, the trait of perfectionism is actually more toxic than beneficial to our overall health and wellness–because, as most of us know, perfection isn’t actually possible to achieve. Instead, perfectionism is a trait that acts as a harsh, critical voice inside our heads, making us too afraid of failure or criticism to try new things, expand our world, or let ourselves be vulnerable in any way. 

In essence, if you are a perfectionist, the thought of doing something incorrectly can hinder you from trying it at all. There is a constant fear of judgement, criticism, or ridicule in the back of your mind. You also likely attribute your value, your worthiness, your purpose, etc. to things that you can achieve. Due to this, the idea that you might not be successful at something new isn’t just a learning experience for you; it’s an experience that makes you question your value entirely. 

Signs you might be a perfectionist: 

• You would rather not do something at all, than do it incorrectly

• You’re specific about your process: things have to be done in a certain way or else they are wrong

• You’re overly critical of yourself

• You pay more attention to criticism than praise

• Your standards (in work, regarding personal goals, etc.) are extremely high

• You’re prone to procrastination

• You invest too much time in something, often “correcting” mistakes that others don’t see

•  Success is never enough: no matter what you accomplish, you feel you can still achieve more.

Where does it come from?

As we touched on above, perfectionism is rooted in fear, which can essentially be boiled down to one general fear: that you won’t be enough. 

Whether that comes in the form of not being smart enough to do something well, or not being creative enough to tackle a new project, or not being skilled enough to be an expert at everything, there’s is an underlying fear at the root of all perfectionism. 

In the mind of a perfectionist, criticism isn’t just a tool that can be used to learn, grow, and get better. It’s a judgement on their worthiness, their quality, all of the core parts of their identity. 

How does it impact our lives?

Obviously, this trait can have a huge impact on our lives. 

Whether your perfectionism comes in the form of obsessively hiding your imperfections from others, or in trying to achieve perfection in all things, it can take a huge toll on the self. 

If you are constantly worrying about perceived imperfections, you will be more concerned with how you’re appearing to others than actually taking care of yourself. Rather than making decisions based on what it is you need and want, you’ll make decisions based on how those choices will appear to an outside observer. 

And if you are constantly trying to achieve (or at least project) perfection in all things, failure–or not being able to achieve absolute perfection–will feel devastating. In fact, it will feel so horrible that you likely will stop trying new things, stop allowing yourself to be vulnerable, and stick only with what you know you can do. 

In either of these cases, it’s clear that perfectionism is a one way track to stopping our growth and self betterment. 

How can we resist the pressure of perfectionism?

Learning to resist the compulsion for perfectionism is hard, and can feel very scary. But it is also an amazing step on your journey toward self care! While healing from perfectionism can be a long and arduous journey, there are a few things you can do for yourself to get you started:

1). Give yourself concrete reasons for change

This may seem silly at first, but make a pro + con list when you see your perfectionism rearing its head. How are you benefitting from the need for perfection? How is it holding you back? Maybe there’s a big project you need to be working on, but you know that you aren’t ready to do it perfectly, so you’re putting it off. The “pro” here is that you’re giving yourself a sense of reassurance that there will be a later time when you’re more prepared to handle this task, and you are saving yourself from immediate criticism. But how else is it impacting your life? In the “con” side you might out things like: putting this project off is making it harder to manage my time, I’m constantly stressed because I know I will have to deal with it later, I’m giving myself a shorter amount of time to produce something of quality, etc. 

Be kind to yourself when doing this exercise. Remind yourself that your perfectionism serves a purpose–it likely exists to offer you some sort of protection. However, at this point in your life, the protection it offers is outweighed by the burden it puts on you. Giving yourself a physical list to show this can be a powerful reminder & motivator when trying to overcome your perfectionism. 

2). Celebrate what you’ve done well

A big problem in perfectionism is that when a perfectionist is not 100% successful at something, they don’t just see it as an instance in which they failed. Rather, they see it as the turning point when they became a failure. Reminding yourself of things you have accomplished, jobs done well, even small victories, can help you to remember that even if you don’t succeed at one thing, you aren’t a failure. 

3). Only compare yourself to you 

If you’re trying something new, and you compare yourself to an expert, you’re obviously going to feel like you’re coming up short. Instead, use yourself as the yardstick to measure accomplishment. If you want to learn to play the piano, don’t compare your first day at a piano to Elton John now. Instead, think about how yesterday, you didn’t have the courage to even sit down at a piano, and now you’re actively learning! In a month, or a year, you’ll be able to look back and see what progress you’ve made. 

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therapist in falls church, mclean, tysons corner, merrifield, arlington and vienna, va

Hope+Wellness is a psychotherapy practice serving the Falls Church, McLean, Great Falls, Vienna, Arlington, Alexandria, and the greater Washington DC region. We provide individual therapy to children, teens, and adults with stress, anxiety, and depression. Our practice is in-network with BCBS and provides Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), mindfulness and acceptance based therapies, and other top, premier evidence-based treatments. Call, email, or schedule an appointment with us online today. We’re happy to help!