Living with Intention: How Values-Based Action Supports Healing

May 8

by Caroline Freedenberg, LICSW

Self-compassion

One of my favorite strategies is self-compassion, the practice of offering oneself support, understanding, and encouragement when encountering a challenge or difficulty. We all go through hardships and moments of emotional intensity or disconnection. Integrating self-compassion into daily life can lead to reduced self-criticism, increased emotional resilience, and a more balanced perspective on personal achievements and failures. This shift allows for a healthier approach to personal growth and well-being and can be an integral component of challenging perfectionism, addressing caregiving and parental guilt, navigating burnout, healing from trauma, coping with a chronic illness, and being a human in an imperfect world.

Reasons to practice self-compassion:

It helps to calm the inner critic. People who use self-compassion are better able to admit mistakes, accept constructive feedback, modify unproductive behaviors, and take on new challenges. Supportive self-talk is motivating- it helps people try again.
Self-compassion can foster a more open and receptive mindset, leading to greater creativity and problem-solving.
Practicing self-compassion can lead to more caring and supportive relationships, both with oneself and with others. It’s not selfish- it makes us more empathetic and enables people to be more present for those around them.
Self-compassion fosters the ability to bounce back from challenges and setbacks, making individuals more resilient in the face of adversity. It can build capacity to navigate challenges, trauma, grief, and unpredictability.
Studies have shown that self-compassionate individuals may experience a greater sense of meaning and fulfillment in their work and life.
Practicing self-compassion has been shown to be beneficial for improving parental well-being following a challenging parenting interaction.
Higher parental self-compassion is associated with a decreased incidence of emotional and behavioral concerns in children. Parents who have developed this practice tend to be more emotionally resilient, less reactive to stressors, and use supportive, positive parenting behaviors.
Self-compassion soothes the nervous system, enabling people to be more attuned to their emotions and experiences so they can respond effectively rather than reacting impulsively.
For those living with chronic illness, practicing self-compassion can be a valuable part of managing discomfort and suffering. Some studies even suggest greater psychological well-being, better adjustment to physical limitations, lower levels of depression, and improved quality of life.

How to practice self-compassion:

Mindfulness

Check-in with yourself with gentle curiosity. What am I feeling (physical, emotional)? What is my experience? Acknowledge what you are feeling. Be present with what is without fighting, judging, ignoring, or over-identifying with it. Self-compassion focuses on a sense of understanding and acceptance of the human experience. Painful things are painful; difficult moments are difficult.

Develop a kind inner dialogue

We all have an inner critic who speaks harshly, when we believe what that critical voice tells us we often feel anxious, sad, overwhelmed, out of control, and ashamed. Self-compassion is about speaking to yourself gently in the way you would respond to someone you care about. It can be helpful to think about your best friend or a sibling- how might you respond to them if they were feeling/going through the same thing? Use language that conveys a sense of care, understanding, and acceptance. The content and tone will enable you to feel seen and that your experience matters.

Example: You’ve worked so hard for a promotion at work, and it didn’t happen.

When we face a setback or challenge, we often have shaming and critical self-talk, such as, “I’m a failure. I’m not good enough. What will people think of me? What’s wrong with me? I knew I wasn’t cut out for this. I should have worked harder.”

Responding to yourself with compassion might look like: “I worked so hard for this, and I really believed I had a chance. It’s okay to feel upset, frustrated, disappointed, and embarrassed. I really wanted this, and it’s painful to put myself out there and not have it work out. I can be proud of what I gave, even as I feel the sting of what didn’t come. Not getting the promotion doesn’t erase the work I did. It doesn’t mean I’m not talented or worthy. It doesn’t mean I failed. I can just feel this right now and rest. When I’m ready, I’ll decide what to do next.”

It’s not about fixing anything. It’s about acknowledging: This is hard. I’m here with you.

Practice

Remember, self-compassion is a skill that requires practice. The more you show up for yourself with kindness, especially when things are hard, the more natural it becomes over time.

Compassionate touch

A kind and intentional moment of compassionate self-touch is a quiet, powerful way of telling yourself: I'm here, and I care. Touch can include placing a hand over your heart, resting a hand on your chest or belly during a stressful moment, wrapping your arms around yourself, or pulling your legs into your chest. Touch can be soothing and reconnect you to a sense of belonging. It conveys that I can be my own source of comfort. Touch can speak to the parts of you that just need to feel held.

Care for yourself

Make your mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual needs a priority. Self-care can include exercise, hobbies, quiet time, sleeping, spiritual activities, being outdoors, exercising boundaries, connecting with friends and family, creative outlets, etc.

Guided self-compassion meditations

https://centerformsc.org/pages/meditations-and-practices

https://self-compassion.org/self-compassion-practices/

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wm1t5FyK5Ek

https://insighttimer.com/meditation-topics/selfcompassion

Additional self-compassionate phrases to try

It’s okay to feel this way. I’m doing the best I can.
I am a human, so mistakes are expected.
How can I comfort and care for myself in this moment?
This doesn’t define who I am. It’s just something that happened.
I am intrinsically deserving of care and concern, just like everyone else.
I can be kind to myself as I figure out what’s next.
Right now, I choose to treat myself gently.
What might help me feel seen, valued, and cared for?
I am not a robot, I need rest.
My success is not defined by my ________ (ability to take care of others, weight, material possessions, career, etc.)
Emotions are natural
My body does not require a disclaimer or apology.
May I give myself the same care I would give a friend.
I’m allowed to feel disappointed and still be proud of myself.

When we turn our care and understanding inward through self-compassion, we open the door to a more balanced, connected, and fulfilling life. At Hope+Wellness, we’re here to support you on your therapeutic journey toward healing, hope, and authenticity. Together, we can help you navigate life’s challenges and nurture a kinder, more compassionate relationship with yourself.

Caroline Freedenberg, LICSW, LCSW, LCSW-C, PMHC is a licensed clinical social worker with over a decade of experience supporting individuals through life’s transitions. She specializes in women’s mental health, perinatal mood and anxiety disorders, parenting challenges, and navigating infertility and medical complexity. Caroline holds a Perinatal Mental Health Certification from Postpartum Support International and draws from evidence-based approaches including CBT, DBT, and ERP. Her work is grounded in compassion, collaboration, and a deep respect for each client’s unique journey. Caroline is committed to helping clients build resilience, develop self-awareness, and reconnect with their values to foster healing and wellness.