Overcoming Your Inner Critic aka Impostor Syndrome
by Dr. Gwenna Blanden
Hey, I have a question for you! Have you ever walked into a room, a job, a project, or even a friendship/relationship and thought, “What am I doing here?”; “You can’t do this!”; “I am not good enough” “Do they even like me?”. Or maybe you’ve achieved something meaningful, yet you can’t let go of the fear or anxiety that you fooled everyone. You’re just waiting for someone to come up to you and say, “You made a mistake. You’re not supposed to be here.” That my friends, right there is impostor syndrome! And if you can relate to this, just know you’re in good company.
What is Impostor Syndrome?
Impostor Syndrome is that persistent feeling of self-doubt and inadequacy, even when there’s clear evidence of your competence. It’s the belief that you’re not as capable as others think you are and it is only a matter of time before you’re “found out.” It doesn’t matter how much you’ve achieved, how hard you’ve worked, or how much people admire you. This annoying voice can sneak in like a fog, clouding your confidence and convincing you that you’re not good enough. And guess what guys? It is more common than you think. It affects most people, like students, professionals, leaders, and even therapists! Studies suggest that up to 70% of people will experience impostor feelings at some point in their lives.
What Does It Feel Like?
Impostor syndrome isn’t always loud but instead often whispers to you. You may hear in thoughts like, “I don’t deserve this.”; “I can’t fail because that would prove I don’t belong here.”; “I just got lucky.”. Did you know it can also show up as perfectionism, overworking, procrastination, or never feeling satisfied with your accomplishments? A toxic cycle starts to develop:
you succeed
you dismiss it
you feel pressure to prove yourself again
you burn out or freeze
you continue to doubt
Let me tell y’all this cycle is exhausting! But I have some good news…it can be broken!
Where Does It Come From?
Impostor syndrome often comes from a combination of many things such as, early life experiences and systemic and/or social dynamics. Here are some examples:
Growing up in a family where success was expected but not celebrated.
Being the “only one” in a room whether because of race, gender, ability, orientation, or background.
High achievers who hold themselves to impossible, unrealistic standards • Internalized messages from environments where silence was rewarded over self-expression.
Let’s face it…society is full of messages telling us to do more, know more, be more. And honestly, I can see how we sip the kool-aid of questioning our enough-ness.
Soooo…How to Overcome Impostor Syndrome?
Overcoming impostor syndrome isn’t about never doubting yourself again because hey, that’s gonna happen. But instead it’s about recognizing the doubt, questioning its validity, and choosing to keep showing up for yourself anyway. Let me give you some helpful strategies:
Don’t Shame It, Name It!:
Awareness is powerful and so important! Start by acknowledging when impostor feelings show up. Try saying something like, “This is impostor syndrome talking. It’s not the truth and it’s just a storyline I’ve picked up.” It’s something about giving something a name that takes away some of its power. It is a pattern, not your identity.Talk Back to Your Inner Critic:
Here’s a fact…impostor syndrome thrives in silence. So start challenging it as you would a regular person. For example, that inner voice may say something like, “You’re not smart enough for this.” You could respond saying, “Actually, I’ve worked really hard to get here. It’s okay to not know everything.” Here’s a pro tip, try to counter harsh thoughts with curiosity! Ask yourself, “What would I say to a friend in this situation?”; “Is this thought helpful or hurtful?”; “Where did I learn to think this way and do I still believe it?”
Track Those Wins of Yours:
One thing our brains are amazing at is collecting all of our failures. I wish I had the answer for why this is! But with this in mind, we have to be more intentional and collect evidence of our wins! Try keeping a journal (sometimes I call an internal gratitude journal) where you write down accomplishments (both big and small), moments you felt proud of yourself, compliments from others, and things you used through even when anxious. It is important to not just write these things down but look at it often, especially on those tough days. It’s a reminder that you in fact do belong!Practice Imperfect Action:
Impostor syndrome often leads to over-preparing, avoiding, or even waiting until you’re “ready”. Another pro tip…TAKE ACTION ANYWAY. Here’s the thing, you don’t need to feel 100% confident to move forward. Confidence often comes after the action, not before. Say yes to opportunity, raise your hand, submit the thing, share the idea. Even if your voice shakes (lord knows mine does haha). Try to remember this… Progress > Perfection. Always.
Okay, last one…Redefine What Success Looks Like for You:
If your definition of success includes any of these…”never mess up” or “be better than the rest”, ehhhh it might be time for a rewrite. Try redefining success as:
Doing your best (not the best)
Growing, learning, and being open to feedback
Showing up authentically
I always ask my clients questions like, “What does striving for perfection mean?” Or “What’s the criteria for perfection?” And usually nobody has a response haha. I am going to let you in on a little secret…there is no such thing as being perfect. So remind yourself you’re not here to be perfect. You’re here to be real.
What If You’re Actually Just Growing?
Did you know that sometimes impostor syndrome can actually be a sign of growth? If you’re trying something new or stepping outside your comfort zone, it is only natural to feel uncertain. That doesn’t mean you’re a fraud-it means you’re evolving. Growth is uncomfortable. So is healing. So is stepping into your power. You’re not faking it. You are, in fact, becoming it… okayyy!
So I am going to end on this…impostor syndrome is a voice. But it is not YOUR voice! Your voice…the one rooted in courage, self-trust, and quiet knowing deserves more time to be the main character in your life, in your journey. Remember these things…you’ve earned your place; you are allowed to take up space; you can be both learning and deserving; and your value is not based on being perfect. You don’t need to ever prove your worth. You just need to keep showing up as yourself. Because who you are and what you bring is more than enough.
Dr. Gwenna Blanden is a licensed clinical psychologist with extensive expertise supporting children, teens, college students, and young adults through complex emotional and behavioral challenges. At Hope+Wellness, she works with clients navigating depression, anxiety, mood disorders, self-esteem concerns, identity exploration, and life transitions. She has specialized training in gender-affirming care for transgender and gender-expansive youth and young adults, as well as deep experience providing culturally responsive, evidence-based treatment for Black, Indigenous, and People of Color (BIPOC) navigating racial trauma and identity-related stressors. Known for her warm, collaborative, and strengths-based style, Dr. Blanden creates a safe, affirming space where clients and families feel truly seen, heard, and supported.
