Get to Know Stella Assefa, LCSW!
What originally drew you to becoming a therapist?
“This has always been one of my "fun facts" because of how far back my desire to be a therapist goes. I actually decided to become a therapist as a high school freshman - it all began in my art class with my childhood best friend. We both shared a love for art and decided to take this class together, and little did I know that our love for art was not the only thing that deepened. During this period this friend opened up to me about her upbringing, her struggle with her mental health and her home life. What I heard broke my heart and expanded it at the same time. I knew at 14 it was not common or recommended for me to hold space for something so intense, but what shocked both my guidance counselor and I was that the impact was nothing but positive. Having someone trust me with the most vulnerable parts of themself made me feel honored and fulfilled, not drained.
To make someone feel safe, heard, validated and supported was an undescribable feeling. As cheesy as it may sound, the girl who thought she had to be a doctor because it was her parents' calling for her quickly realized she had one of her own. I then began to be "that friend" for more of my friends who truly were struggling (with appropriate boundaries) and made the decision that this is what I wanted to do for the rest of my professional life. I knew there would be setbacks because of my family's cultural views of mental health and this profession but I did not let that stop me. If anything, I saw it as another reason to pursue this path so more people from cultures similar to mine existed in this space so that therapy and mental health can become more normalized. “
What makes you passionate about working with your clients?
“Several aspects of working with my clients honestly fuel my passion for this work. Being a witness to their journey and the little things like seeing the light bulb moment happen when they make a discovery, realize a connection or learn something extremely validating or useful is one of my favorite parts of this work. Most importantly though, holding space for the most vulnerable parts of themselves, having them realize that safety in relationships can exist, and seeing them also have hope for (maybe) the first time in their life is why I do what I do.“
How do you work to create a space where clients feel truly seen and safe?
“I always start by building trust and safety by strengthening our therapeutic relationship and meeting them where they are before processing the hard stuff. Not being "open enough" should never be seen as a moral failure and if anything, it's completely natural in the early stages of therapy. I also let them know that I am human and will show the human parts of myself to cultivate safety within professional boundaries. A power dynamic exists between the client and therapist and it does not help when clients don't feel authenticity from their provider.
I am the therapist who will laugh with my clients, have a real expression on my face or reaction to something they share and remind them that I am far from perfect. Lastly, I make it my mission to create a space free of judgement and shame. I know how shame and judgment can make someone feel in any environment let alone in this one and I make it a point to both validate and normalize their emotional experiences so they know they aren't alone.”
What’s something you wish more people understood about healing from trauma?
“I wish more people knew that it was trauma to begin with, because often people label it as something else not realizing so much of what they struggle with (i.e. people pleasing, anxiety, anger issues, unhealthy choices in partners or habits in relationships, poor communication, co-dependency, fear of vulnerability etc...) can be attributed to trauma. I always remind my clients that trauma can take many forms, making it easy to overlook and minimize your past experiences. In order to heal from trauma, you must recognize it as trauma first.
Another huge factor I hope more people understand is how trauma (and many painful emotions) are stored in the body. Teaching your nervous system (body) to feel safe is a key step in healing so that your mind and body no longer feel stuck in "survival mode". Remember - your body always keeps score of what happened to you and trauma does not follow the rules of time (something that happened 20 years ago can feel like it happened 20 days ago).”
ADHD can often be misunderstood, especially in adults. What’s something you wish more people knew about it?
“ADHD is so much more than "being hyper" or being unable to focus on a task or conversation. When left untreated, it can feel debilitating and cause those who struggle with it to feel shame, guilt, insecurity, frustration, rejection and much more. Many people who don't have it often reduce it to a few symptoms they think are extremely easy to control, which is not the case at all. Luckily, with the proper treatment and systems in place, meaningful progress can be made.”
Relationships—whether with partners, family, or at work—can be complicated. How do you help clients navigate conflict or communication challenges
“I remind clients of what the true goal is - connection and comprehension, not correction. What I mean is that we often lose sight of our goal when in conflict with someone. We overemphasize the importance of "being right" and underemphasize the necessity for repair and connection. This is not to say you can't explain your perspective, but you lose the plot if that is your only goal and only plan in the conversation. Both people share the common desire to feel safe, be understood, and be respected, so they need to lean on that common goal.
Communicating a need or a boundary can be done in healthy ways that foster deeper connections with the person on the other side. The end goal is for both people to feel safe enough to express how they feel productively, and to be receptive and understand the other person's perspective as much as possible. People do not have to fully agree to repair and connect.
Lastly, I help clients understand the importance of regulating their nervous system and emotions before trying to resolve conflict so that their emotional brain is not in the driver's seat. When emotions are high, communication can result in poor impulse control (doing/saying things we often later regret) and poor comprehension (not listening to understand and being defensive).”
Outside of your work, what helps you recharge or brings you joy?
“Truly, spending time with my favorite people and my support system - from doing everything together to doing absolutely nothing together and anything in between! I also do enjoy my me time where I find the most joy in painting and drawing, going on long walks on nature trails, and spending time at home cooking or hanging with my cats. Music is the one thing that ties all of these together: music during my walks, music as I create art or cook, dancing to music with my friends and so much more (I have a playlist for EVERTHING).
We're excited to welcome Stella Assefa, LCSW to our Hope+Wellness team! Stella is a therapist who works with young adults and adults navigating trauma, anxiety, ADHD, attachment patterns, relationship challenges, and life transitions. She also supports couples who may feel stuck in painful communication cycles and are looking for healthier ways to connect and grow together.
Stella brings a compassionate, grounded, and trauma-informed approach to her work. She integrates evidence-based practices such as CBT, DBT, mindfulness, and attachment-based therapy, tailoring each session to meet the unique needs of the individual or couple in front of her. She believes that healing happens within a safe, collaborative relationship and is committed to creating a space where clients feel seen, supported, and understood.
For more information about scheduling an appointment with Stella, please reach out to us at info@hope-wellness.com.
