Boundaries 101: Navigating Boundaries With Confidence and Compassion

Do you feel confident in your ability to set and enforce your boundaries? 

Although boundaries are more popular than ever, they’re still tricky to get right. Setting boundaries takes practice and compassion, but it’s possible to feel more confident in your ability to communicate your limits. 

Why are boundaries important?

Boundaries are essential for maintaining the relationships that matter to us. Setting boundaries  helps you stay close with the people you care about over the long run, rather than pushing people away. 

With effective boundaries in place, you’ll feel less overwhelmed and resentful in your interactions, which can improve your relationships. It’s tough to feel close to someone who seems to be upset with you! 

Why setting boundaries can be tricky

Setting and maintaining your boundaries can be challenging for a few reasons. It’s hard to get the right balance of both flexible and firm boundaries, so that they can grow with you but also protect your mental, emotional, and physical energy. It might take some readjusting to find the right balance. 

A major misconception about boundaries is that they are designed to control what other people do. That’s actually not the case! A boundary lays out what your expectations are and how your behavior will vary based on what’s happening. For example, instead of saying to your mom, “Mom, you need to stop talking about my body,” you can say, “Mom, if you bring up my body when we talk, I’ll be ending our conversation.” That boundary is one you can control, because the action is up to you, not someone else. 

In addition boundaries aren’t something you set once and then keep forever. You’ll need to regularly check in with yourself if your boundaries are working, if they’re doing what you want them to do, and if you need to adjust anything. In different seasons in life, your boundaries might change, and that’s okay! 

Finally, the part of boundaries that people often find hardest is communicating them. We all have different limits on what we can handle, and it’s up to us to communicate them to others, because people aren’t mind readers. It can be a little uncomfortable to have a serious conversation about boundaries, but sometimes in close relationships we have to have uncomfortable conversations to keep the relationship strong. You can do it! 

How can you set boundaries with confidence and compassion? Explore these 7 blogs to feel more prepared to set and enforce your boundaries with the people in your life:

When you find yourself struggling with people pleasing, it’s often a sign that your boundaries need tightening up.

If you’re a people pleaser, you know how exhausting it can be to bend over backwards to make life easier for other people. It’s a hard habit to break! People pleasing tendencies come from somewhere, so it can be helpful to consider where you learned to act this way. 

Overcoming people pleasing takes time, practice, and self-compassion, but it is possible to change this pattern. 

If you’re a chronic people pleaser, get support with How to Overcome People Pleasing

Do you have a hard time saying no to people?

You’re not alone! There are lots of reasons why saying no is hard - lack of confidence, wanting to please the other person, guilt, peer pressure, financial pressure, etc. 

Keep in mind that saying no takes practice. The first few times you say no, it might feel really uncomfortable. That doesn’t mean that you’re not allowed to say no - it just means you probably need more practice. 

If saying no is hard for you, read How to Be Okay With Saying No

How exactly are boundaries supposed to work, and what exactly should you say to set them? 

Setting boundaries is a skill, and it’s one you can learn with practice and patience. However, boundaries are much more than just a single conversation with someone, so it’s important to consider what you’ll do before and after you communicate your boundaries to others. 

Learn what to say to set your boundaries by reading Setting Boundaries: Why You Should & What to Say

A common issue that people have with boundaries is that they set boundaries that are too firm (or too soft).

Boundaries that are too firm might shrink your social circle, or leave you cut off from the people in your life. 

Boundaries that are too flexible can leave you feeling resentful and overwhelmed that your limits aren’t being respected. Finding the right balance between firm and flexible boundaries can take some back and forth. 

To learn how to set boundaries that actually work for you, read Are Your Boundaries Too Firm?

It can be especially tricky to set boundaries with family. Family dynamics can be incredibly complex, and it’s really, really hard to put up a boundary with people who you’ve known forever. 

Boundaries can change the dynamics of your family, and sometimes people get upset when those dynamics shift. That doesn’t mean that you can’t have boundaries with family, though! It’s possible to set boundaries kindly and firmly, so you can enjoy your relationship with your family members for years to come. 

Do you need stronger boundaries with your family? Learn How to Gently Set Boundaries With Your Family here. 

Sometimes, setting and holding your boundaries means having a difficult conversation with someone you care about.

It’s overwhelming sometimes to have difficult conversations with people you’re close to, but conflict is a part of all relationships. It’s okay to disagree, and to talk about disagreeing. 

Talking about emotional topics like hurt feelings can seem impossible, but there are ways to prepare so that you feel confident going into the conversation. 

Learn how to communicate your feelings effectively and How to Tell Someone They've Hurt Your Feelings.

Disrespected and ignored boundaries can lead to conflict in relationships, from coworkers to family to friends to romantic partners.

That’s why it’s important to learn how to approach conflict in a healthy way. The more you practice healthy conflict, the less intimidating it will be. 

Relational conflict doesn’t feel great, but it feels better than losing an important relationship because you don’t want to have a hard conversation. 

Conflict in your close relationships is painful. Learn how to make it easier by reading Managing Conflict in Friendships.

If you need support setting and communicating your boundaries, we can help. Our clinicians are trained in evidence-based treatments that can help change the way you treat yourself. Get in touch today to book a session!