4 Ways to Train Your Brain for Greater Happiness and Success
Life is hard and it can be painful. As humans faced with this pain and difficulty, we can get stuck in it, and feel heavy and burdened. When faced with barriers, we feel overwhelmed. When things get uncomfortable or distressing, we begin to avoid the discomfort — until eventually we forget what is truly important to us and our lives. Some of us lose hope and forget our dreams. Others give up dreaming altogether.
But there is a way forward.
ACT — Acceptance and Commitment Therapy — teaches us how to move from avoidance to acceptance and valued directions in our lives. Using it, we can train our minds to become more flexible, open, and able to accept the pain that life brings, all while moving towards our values — the things we find truly important in our lives.
Research shows that the human brain is plastic. It can be trained to learn new skills and patterns of thinking, which in turn influence new actions in your life. It’s not easy — it takes time, support, patience, and consistent practice — but it can be done.
A good place to start training your mind is with the acronym DARE. According to ACT, DARE stands for the following:
D: Defusion. Acknowledge your thoughts. Observe them. Recognize them for what they are — thoughts, and rather than seeing through them, let them pass like leaves on a stream.
A: Acceptance of discomfort. Make room for unpleasant emotions. Breathe into them. Make room for them and allow space for them in order to do what matters to you.
R: Realistic goals. Break down large goals into smaller, actionable tasks. Gain the necessary skills to achieve goals. Problem solve ways to obtain resources needed for goals. Adjust goals so that they are specific, measurable, and able to be accomplished. This will help you increase success and enable continued patterns of achieving goals.
E: Embrace values. Explore what is important to you. What would success, happiness, and living a whole life mean to you and what would it specifically look like? Connect your goals to your values. Are your goals serving a greater purpose for you? Do you feel that they are meaningful? Do they move you toward the person and life you want to live?
It might not be easy, but change is possible. The question then, is whether you are wiling to take the first initial steps towards change and to embrace the discomfort that goes along with it, if it means that you would be moving towards the greater, fuller life you envision for yourself.
(The source of the above acronym is from Russ Harris, The Happiness Trap. If you found this post helpful, I highly recommend checking his work out or finding a therapist who practices Acceptance and Commitment Therapy to help support you toward your desired goals.)
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Victoria Chialy Smith, PhD is a licensed clinical psychologist serving the Falls Church, McLean, Great Falls, Vienna, Arlington, Alexandria, and the greater Washington DC region. She provides individual therapy to children, teens, and adults with stress, anxiety, and depression. Our practice provides Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), mindfulness and acceptance based therapies, and other top, premier evidence-based treatments. Call, email, or schedule an appointment with us online today. We’re happy to help!
1. What drew you to the field of psychological and neuropsychological assessment?
"I was diagnosed with ADHD later in life, while I was in graduate school, and that experience really shaped my passion for assessment. After my diagnosis, I was able to look back at pieces of my childhood that I had previously viewed through the lens of anxiety or “I just didn't try hard enough” and recognize that, in reality, my brain just worked differently.
That's one of the things I love most about testing. So often, people know that something feels different or that they're struggling, but they don't necessarily have the words to explain why. This can be especially true for high-achieving individuals. They may be doing well academically or professionally, while the difficulties show up elsewhere (relationships, work performance, anxiety, self-esteem, effort to mask, etc).
Receiving a diagnosis can be incredibly validating because it gives someone a framework for understanding their experiences. Instead of wondering, “Am I just not trying hard enough?” or “Is everyone else struggling this much too?”, they can recognize that their brain genuinely processes certain things differently. For many of my adult clients, an evaluation is the first time they feel truly understood.
That's also why I tell people that it's never too late to pursue testing. That feeling of validation and being understood is powerful and invaluable, no matter what age. And for providers, if you suspect that there may be something more going on for a client, referring them for an evaluation can be an incredibly helpful next step in their journey."