Why Being Bored Is Good for Your Mental Health

How often do you allow yourself to be bored? 

Boredom has a reputation for being a negative state of mind, but boredom actually has benefits for your mental health, like improving creativity, curiosity, and self-control. 

Everyone’s brain is different, so boredom can be an individual experience. Some people’s brains (like certain folks with ADHD, for example) crave more stimulation and experiences, and so their threshold for what’s boring will be higher than someone whose brain works differently. What makes you feel bored won’t necessarily make your best friend or sister or coworker or neighbor feel bored. 

Boredom doesn’t mean mindlessly numbing out, like by scrolling through social media. Boredom, without distractions, can make you feel restless or distressed because it forces you to feel your feelings and be in the present moment, both of which are hard to do.  

Feeling bored can feel stressful for a few reasons:

Cultural pressures 

In our capitalist world, we often measure ourselves by our productivity levels, even if we don’t realize we’re doing it. It always seems like there’s something else to do and that taking a break is lazy or selfish. Remember, you don’t exist to be productive. You can do absolutely nothing and you’d still be a person worthy of love, care, and respect. Offer that love, care, and respect to yourself when you feel cultural pressure to always keep busy. 

Unused to being with yourself 

Being present with yourself can be hard, even painful. When we’re in the moment with no distractions, it can be hard to deal with the thoughts, feelings, and urges that come up. Sometimes we stay so busy that we don’t leave enough time to check in with ourselves and process our thoughts and feelings. It can feel scary to slow down enough to be with yourself, especially if it’s been a while. Learning how to be present with yourself takes time, so don’t be too hard on yourself when it’s tricky. 

We are afraid of being boring (vs being bored)

There’s a somewhat common phrase that says “only boring people get bored.” Beliefs like this contribute to people being afraid to be bored, even though boredom is actually good for you. 

Just because you have moments of boredom in your life doesn’t mean that you yourself are boring. It’s impossible for you to be entertained every single minute of every day without being disconnected from yourself and your needs. Figuring out how to take care of yourself requires introspection, or looking inward and feeling our feelings, even when they’re hard. Doing this doesn’t make you boring - it makes you human. 

Unsupportive coping behaviors

Some people fear or resent boredom because of the way they (or their loved ones) cope with  being bored. Coping skills are meant to help us through tough situations, but they don’t always support us long-term. Some people cope with boredom by acting in self destructive ways or by lashing out at others. Some people cope by using substances or engaging in risky behaviors. Not everyone copes this way, but the negative associations you might have with how people cope when they’re bored might contribute to the way you think about boredom. 

How is being bored good for your mental health? 

Even though being bored can bring up some complicated feelings, it’s actually beneficial to your mental health in a few ways. Being bored: 

Gives you time to process

Our brains do a lot in the background, even when we feel bored. When we give ourselves time to rest and do nothing, it gives our brains a chance to process and encode what’s going on. It takes a lot of cognitive power to go through day to day life, and giving your brain a break lets it play catch up. 

When you’re bored, this processing might be done in the background, where you don’t notice it, and sometimes you might process things more mindfully. Thinking through your day, reflecting on things you learned, and even daydreaming can help you process your thoughts and feelings if you give yourself the time to do it. 

Boosts creativity 

Have you ever tried to figure out a problem, and then after taking a long shower or a nap, the answer felt like it was right in front of you? Sometimes giving yourself some space to be bored and to do nothing frees up your brain to find new solutions or make connections that you couldn’t make with so much on your mind. 

Boredom when done right, with no distractions, gives your brain a chance to wander. You might notice new things that you’ve missed before, or reflect on what’s going on. Using your imagination in moments of boredom can help you think in ways you don't normally, which can help boost creativity. 

Allows curiosity

Our brains crave excitement and novelty, and when you’re bored you give yourself a chance to be curious. Curiosity and our search for excitement often lead to important breakthroughs on a personal level and on a cultural level. Being bored can help people think of new solutions to problems, or to take action on something important. Without boredom, we would have fewer opportunities to be curious and explore new things. 

Improves self-control

Learning how to be bored is a skill that many of us have forgotten about, or didn’t learn in the first place. We have screens with us almost constantly now, so it’s really easy to avoid boredom by finding somewhere to scroll. Letting yourself be bored gives you a chance to exercise a little self-control instead of opting for mindless distraction. 

Getting yourself comfortable with the uncomfortable feeling of boredom is an important skill.  There are lots of uncomfortable emotions out there that we can’t avoid. Learning how to regulate yourself emotionally during those moments is a skill that you can rely on in the future, no matter what comes your way. 

Are you looking for more ways to support your mental health? Working with a therapist is a great way to learn more about yourself and what your specific needs are so you can feel more aligned with who you are. Reach out to our office today to get started on your mental health journey.  

Separating Healing from Healthism

A lot of language around health focuses on should’s.

What habits we should have, what foods we should eat, how much media we should consume, how we should engage with our bodies, when we should be active and productive, how active and productive we should be, and on and on and on. 

But why? And, maybe more importantly, what if in centering our health and all of those “shoulds” we were actually getting in the way of really caring for ourselves?

What is healthism?

Healthism, essentially, is the cultural idea that being healthy is the most important thing; that healthy is equivalent to good, hardworking, educated, and valuable, while unhealthy means bad, lazy, stupid, and expendable.

Healthism was an idea introduced to popularity by an economist, Robert Crawford, in the 1980s, in an essay published under the title “Healthism and the Medicalization of Everyday Life.” The essay was written in response to a cultural rise in self care movements in the seventies, but is still relevant in this new wave of individualist and commercialized self care. An excerpt from it reads: 

“…healthism situates the problem of health and disease at the level of the individual. Solutions are formulated at that level as well. To the extent that healthism shapes popular beliefs, we will continue to have a non-political, and therefore, ultimately ineffective conception and strategy of health promotion. Further, by elevating health to a super value, a metaphor for all that is good in life, healthism reinforces the privatization of the struggle for generalized well-being.”

Basically, healthism asks: if you’re sick or unwell, what did you do wrong? And the follow up: if you can’t make good or healthy choices, why should you get care?

What healthism overlooks:

There is a lot left ignored in this understanding of health. In fact, very little of your “health” is determined by personal habits. Your health is influenced by your genetics, your socioeconomic status, the environment you live in, your access to medical care and nutrient dense food, experiences of racism, sexism, homophobia or transphobia, medical discrimination, bias or neglect, and more. All of these things are outside an individual's control! 

We put so much importance on individual habits and choices because those are what we can control in our day to day life, but that also makes it easy for us to be blamed for our own poor health, or sold something that says will make us better, but really only exists to make someone else a profit. 

The healthism we see on an individual level (rather than a structural level, like being denied insurance for a pre-existing condition) also often focuses more on the aesthetics of health, than on health itself. One major example of this would be the health risks fat people face just by actually going to the doctor. The anti-fat bias within “health” centered spaces is so damaging, that when actually going to attend to their health, fat patients risk having their health harmed by abusive medical professionals, who often only tell them to lose weight without actually tending to their medical needs–and without acknowledging both that rapidly losing weight is dangerous to your health or that being underweight is actually more dangerous to health than being overweight. 

The other obvious thing that is overlooked by healthism is mental health. Healthism believes your health is your responsibility, but your genetics and your brain chemistry are not within your control! While yes, moving your body and nourishing yourself are good for your mental health but mental health cannot be exercised or dieted away! That prompts the question, if you are physically “healthy” but are treating depression, are you still “healthy”? Can anyone really be fully “healthy” when we step back and think about it holistically? And if we can’t, why do we place so much importance on striving for perfect health above all else?

What shifting away from healthism can do for your healing: 

This isn’t to say your health is insignificant–when you are sick or injured or unwell in any way you deserve care and medicine and support. The rejection of healthism isn’t a rejection of taking care of yourself, but shifting the motivations behind it. 

Instead of caring for yourself because you want to be healthy so you can deserve love and care and support, can you care for yourself because you are alive and deserve it? Can you shift your habits of caring for yourself so they come from a place of love and joy, rather than guilt and shame?

Removing morality from health means when your health declines, you know your worth does not. 

When you are unwell, you have value and deserve everything you have when you’re well. Rejecting the healthism mentality means recognizing this–even if the reason you are unwell is the result of a choice you made. This means caring about and for yourself isn’t dependent on how healthy your habits are. Instead it’s coming from a place in your mind that is asking, “okay, how can I both nourish myself and feel good in this body and life?”

Want a weird, real life example of this? Look at kinksters. In kink and alternative sex communities there is an acronym RACK, which stands for risk aware consensual kink. This means that all participants understand that there is no 100% safe way to practice kink as there is always some sort of risk, even if it’s very small. But they have made themselves aware of those risks, and decided that the benefits of what they would get out of the experience outweighs those risks, so they still enthusiastically consent. 

We can think of our choices with health in the same way–you don’t always have to choose what is healthiest if another option offers something else to you; it’s about being aware and making choices based on your own needs and desires. 

Rejecting healthism also helps to ground you back in your healing. Healthism is a tool of capitalism! You don’t need to be constantly buying things to make yourself “better”; you need to tune back into yourself to listen to what your needs are, and respond to what you’re exploring internally, not what’s being sold to you externally. Take the CEO of Whole Foods saying:

“We are all responsible for our own lives and our own health. We should take that responsibility very seriously and use our freedom to make wise lifestyle choices that will protect our health.” 

We know of course, that that’s not true! Like we discussed above, there are many factors to health, very few of which are influenced by personal choice and habits. But we can also see that he’s clearly selling something to us here. He’s saying: if you want to be healthy and live a good, long life, shop at Whole Foods! But that’s not the only way to achieve health–and for people who can’t afford to shop there, that economic strain would actually impede their health. 

Rejecting healthism takes guilt away from seeking joy, and gives you back the power to determine your purpose. Instead of feeling shame over “indulging” in things you “shouldn’t” or not putting all of your effort into achieving peak physical health, you can spend your time and energy in ways that rejuvenate you. 

How therapy challenges healthism 

Healthism says: whatever health or wellness problems you have in your life, they’re your fault. If you had made better choices, you would be better off. 

Therapy says: there are so many things that make you who you are and that impact how you are. Let’s explore them and see what motivated your choices, what needs you were meeting, and give compassion to you for taking care of yourself as best as you could. It says being unwell doesn’t always come from one thing, and it’s not your job alone to be healthy or well–relationships and support systems are a huge part of taking care of yourself, and you deserve access to them. 

Shifting away from a mindset based in healthism can be hard, but we’re here to support you. Get in touch with our office today to get started with one of our expert clinicians. 

Spending Time with Your Inner Child this Autumn

What’s your inner child?

Your inner child is all of the younger versions of yourself that still live inside of your mind. Imagine yourself like a tree–as the tree grows, it creates rings on the inside of it, marking how many growth cycles it’s been through. Your inner child is like that, the rings of your growth. You don’t abandon each version of yourself as you get older, you simply build upon it. 

Their hopes, their needs, their dreams, their fears, and their wounds all live within you, making you responsible for them. We call this sort of responsibility the reparenting of your inner child because it allows for you, now grown, to provide the care and support your younger self needed to that younger version of you inside of yourself. You are parent and child at once. 

Why is connecting to them important?

Taking time to connect with your inner child allows you to tap into those needs and fears and wounds. Wounds left untended from our childhood don’t just go away, they seep into our adult lives & relationships. Sometimes we don’t even realize we’re trying to tend to those wounds through our behaviors! That’s why taking intentional time to get to know your inner child, and explore where they might be hurting is so important. 

What does it mean to care for your inner child?

Taking time to care for your inner child is about taking intentional time with yourself. Notice your emotional reactions to things, and make an effort to investigate where those instincts come from. Often at the root of an emotional reaction is a childhood wound–one we may or may not be aware of. And remember as you take this time: what you find may seem insignificant to an adult but can be a major moment for a child. When we’re children, experiences are all new. That means we’re not able to apply the logic of context to a situation, and may draw the wrong conclusions. Be kind to your inner child and remember that their feelings are real and huge to them. It’s not your job to logic those feelings away, but to offer a safe space to name them, sit with them, and explore what those feelings say about your emotional needs. 

Use the changing of the seasons as an excuse to make plans with your inner child. 

As the weather cools, it’s finally starting to feel like autumn! There are many ways you can connect to your inner child throughout the year, but why not have a little seasonal fun with it? Here are just a few ideas on how you can use the changing of the seasons as an opportunity to connect with your inner child: 

Visit a corn maze: 

This is both a fun group activity (get all your friend’s inner children to come along to!) or an opportunity for some one on one, mindful time with your inner child. Walk through the maze as they would, what choices would they make? How would they have fun? Indulge their playful spirit! 

Pick out & decorate pumpkins:

Getting creative with your inner child is a great way to allow them to express themselves, and seasonal decorating is just one way to do it! You can let them get their hands messy and carve a pumpkin, or you could keep it whole and have some fun painting it. Let your inner child guide the creative process, and see what they come up with! 

Make your own Halloween costume: 

Just one more creative way to connect to your inner child’s playfulness and creativity. Who would your inner child want to be for Halloween? Did they have a hero or a favorite character? How would they like to dress up as them? Would they have fun piecing the costume together, DIY style? 

Go apple picking: 

Spending time in nature is great both for you and your inner child! Go for an autumn hike or go to an apple orchard to spend an afternoon walking around, smelling the crisp air, stepping on crunchy leaves, and picking delicious apples to bring home with you. Maybe you and your inner child can bake them into an apple pie for a sweet treat later! 

If you’re looking to go deeper into your inner child work, our therapists can help support you. Get in touch with us today to schedule an appointment!

5 Ways to Improve Your Self-Worth

5 Ways to Improve Your Self-Worth

How do you feel about yourself? 

That’s definitely a loaded question for a lot of people. We often hear of the importance of building healthy self-esteem and self-worth, but it can be harder to put into practice than you expect. 

What’s the difference between self-esteem and self-worth?

Many of us have heard the terms self-esteem and self-worth before, but it’s not always clear what the difference between them is. They’re often used interchangeably, but they actually mean different things. 

Self-esteem is the way we feel about ourselves in the moment. Self-worth, on the other hand, describes knowing that you are a person of value who has worth, no matter what your self-esteem looks like. Self-worth is a broader term and is generally more permanent than self-esteem, which can vary based on circumstance. Self-worth comes from within, whereas self-esteem comes from the world around you. 

Self-esteem is more temporary than self-worth. They don’t always relate to one another the way you expect they would. It’s possible to have high self-esteem and self-worth at the same time, but it’s also possible to have low self-esteem and high self-worth, or vice versa. Although they have some commonalities, each plays a role in the way we feel about ourselves. 

How can you have low self-esteem but high self-worth?

It might sound strange that it’s possible to have low self-esteem but high self-worth. However, since self-worth is a foundational belief that you are innately worthy, no matter what else is going on, it’s less easily influenced by external or internal factors. Self-worth is a core belief that you are worthy and have value. Even if you’re having a bad day or week, and your self-esteem has taken a hit because of your current circumstances, you still understand your worth and value as a person. 

Developing a healthy sense of self-worth can help you be more resilient in times of distress or change. When you understand that nothing can change the worth you have as a person, it can be a freeing feeling. 

It might be hard for you to believe that you have inherent value and worth, especially if you’ve been sending yourself the opposite message for a long time. 

What is it like when you have high self-worth?

People who have a high sense of self-worth are more likely to:

• Fundamentally believe that they are worthy and loveable

• Understand that they deserve love and respect

• Realize that being imperfect and making mistakes doesn’t take away from self-worth

• Treat themselves with self-compassion

• Show themselves kindness and respect

• Believe that they have the power to learn and grow

If you’re looking to improve your sense of self-worth, you might be wondering where to start. Here are 5 ways to improve your self-worth: 

Use positive affirmations

The way you talk to yourself matters. When you notice that critical voice in your head putting you down, try to overpower it with positive words toward yourself. Positive affirmations can actually help change the way your brain is wired and lead to shifts in beliefs. You can use this to your advantage and repeat affirmations about your self-worth to yourself until you’ve internalized the message. Here are a few affirmations to try: 

• I am worthy, no matter what. 

• I have value, just as I am.

• I am enough.

• I deserve to be happy.

• I am just as worthy as everyone else. 

• I am a kind and loving friend to myself.

• I am able to meet my own needs.

Understand your core values

When you know the values that are most important to you, it’s easier to make decisions and trust that the decisions you make are in alignment with what matters to you. Taking the time to get to know what values matter to you can let you get to know yourself on a deeper level. It’s easier to be nicer to yourself when you know yourself better. Even if you make decisions that don’t pan out, knowing that your choices come from your values can give you confidence that you’re on the right path. 

Advocate for yourself 

It’s hard to learn how to be your own advocate, especially when you’re struggling to feel good about yourself. It’s really powerful to stick up for yourself, though. When the opportunity arises, express your true feelings and opinions. Be your own cheerleader! Practicing this skill can help reinforce the belief that you are worthy and valuable. Treat yourself like you are valuable, and eventually you will start to believe it.

Build up your self-trust

An important part of knowing your self-worth is knowing that you can trust and rely on yourself. Give yourself opportunities to build up the trust you have with yourself. Keep the promises you make to yourself. Remind yourself that it’s okay to not be perfect and make mistakes. Remember to speak kindly to yourself when building up self-trust. You probably wouldn’t trust someone who was a jerk to you all the time, right? So don’t be a jerk to yourself, because it will be harder to trust yourself. 

Avoid comparing yourself to others

Comparison really is the thief of joy. When you spend your time trying to find ways where you’re coming up short, you don’t have as much time to focus on your own internal world. Self-worth  comes from you and how you feel about yourself, not how anyone else feels about you. If you need to compare yourself to someone, compare your current self to your younger self. Remember that everyone has their own insecurities, and it’s human to feel envy from time to time. Try to examine what’s underneath that feeling and what needs you have that aren’t being met, then brainstorm ways to meet them for yourself instead of relying on someone else to do it. 

Are you looking for more ways to improve your self-worth? Working with a therapist can help you shift negative core beliefs that you have about yourself so you can enjoy the benefits of high self-worth. Get in touch with our office today to get started. 

What Internalized Messages Do Your Still Believe About Yourself?

What’s an internalized message?

An internalized message is something we believe, unconsciously about ourselves. These messages and beliefs don’t come from within ourselves–while they may feel like undeniable qualities about ourselves, these internalized messages actually came from outside influences. They are the result of how we, as children, are able to interpret and understand the world around us, and the way we’re expected to behave in relationships. 

These messages then become core parts of our self view, how we’re unconsciously able to connect with and relate to others, how we navigate social situations and relationships, etc. These messages, when they aren’t explored and questioned, can muddle our true beliefs about ourselves, and lead us to believe we are less lovable,safe, and valued than we really are.  

So where do these internalized messages come from?

The internalized messages we have ourselves come from the foundational relationships in our lives.These would be our parents, guardians, other family members, early childhood friends, authority figures (teachees, church leaders,) etc. 

As we grow older and can understand our own and others complexities, we can start to see that while these messages came from influential people in your life, they are not always trying to communicate the message you’re understanding. What may be a normal exchange for an adult can be a foundational building block for a child. If your needs were neglected by your parents–even without malicious intent, but perhaps because of less fortunate circumstances–there’s a part of your brain as a child that takes that information and tries to understand it with what it knows. So it’s entirely possible that those negative beliefs you have about yourself are coming from that inner part of yourself that is still a child, asking for their needs to be met. 

For example: take this story, where a man internalized a fear of abandonment after his family took in a series of rescue dogs until they found “the one” that was right for their family. This series of events–while not intentionally–taught that young boy that it wasn’t safe to make quick connections with others or try to bond with them before they proved they would stick around. This of course wasn’t the family’s intention, and there were probably many factors that went into the constant shifting of the family-pet dynamic, but it’s a belief that boy learned and carried with him into adulthood because it was how he was able to understand and get through the circumstances he found himself in. 

What are common internalized messages we have about ourselves?

Unfortunately, when we internalize these messages about ourselves, we often fixate on negative messages. Things like: 

• Everyone is going to leave me

• I need to constantly prove my value so people will want to keep me around

• If I say the wrong thing, someone may stop loving me

• My body deserves to be punished/I should feel shame for my body 

• People will only love me if I can do something for them

So how can we begin to question/challenge those internalized messages?

The first step is recognition. What is it you’re believing about yourself right now? Can you identify what the message is?

From there, what is it about this moment that is making that message come up for you? Is there any evidence to support that the thought is true? (Ex. Is it really true that if you say the wrong thing, someone will stop loving you? Has the person you’re nervous about talking to given you any indication that this is true? Or is this a fear coming from somewhere else? 

If it’s coming from somewhere else, can you identify where that place is? Think on the feeling, what memories come up with it? Does the feeling you’re having right now remind you of a moment in your childhood? When is the first time you remember having this feeling?

The next step is to take that information and use it to challenge that feeling or belief or message whenever it comes up. Ask yourself: 

• Is there any information at this moment to support this negative belief I’m having about myself?

• Or is there a moment from my youth that made a “wound” that is being re-opened in this moment? 

It can be helpful to have a regular reflection process for moments like this, so you get into the habit of questioning those negative beliefs when they pop up.

Below are 8 journal prompts to help you explore and challenge the internalized messages you still have about yourself: 

1. What beliefs do I have about myself?

2. For each of those, what is the earliest memory of that belief? 

3. What feeling did it bring up as a child? How have those feelings translated into my adulthood?

4. What about this moment is pulling up that belief?

5. When is the first time I felt like this?

6. What did I need in that moment that I didn’t get?

7. Is there any evidence that my needs will be ignored or overlooked now?

8. Is there any evidence that this negative belief I have about myself is true in this new situation? 

If you’re looking for support as you work on challenging those negative internalized beliefs, therapy can be a great place to start. Contact us today and our expert clinicians can help. 

How (& Why) You Should Get Clear on Your Values

Why is it important to know our values? 

There are many reasons it’s important to know what your values are; but the biggest is that there is no one path that your life is supposed to follow. So knowing your values helps you to determine what that path should be for you. While there are a lot of social pressures to follow a specific path (go to school, go to college, get a job, get married, have kids, etc.) the path you’re on should be based on your values. That “traditional” path is good for some, and not the right fit for others, and there’s no right or wrong choice. 

Being clear on what your values are helps to make the process of making decisions easier. 

Because there’s really never a “correct” choice when it comes to what path your life can take, decision making can feel impossible, especially if you struggle with anxiety. It can seem like there is a lot riding on every decision!  When you can base your decisions on your values you can be confident you made the choice that aligns with how you want your life to look, even if you need to take corrective action later. 

Making decisions based on your values also helps to take the moralizing out of decisions–there’s no “right” or “wrong” or “good” or “bad” choice. It’s just identifying which choice fits best with your values! It’s alright if it’s a choice that doesn’t or wouldn’t work for someone else.  

And, it can help to ease anxiety when you’re in a new situation! 

Because even in situations where you are feeling anxious because you’re pushing the boundaries of your comfort zone, you can rest assured you’ve made a conscious, intentional choice to try and manage that discomfort, as it aligns with the life you want and the values you have. 

3 Ways to Get Clear on Your Values: 

Start with a list: 

One way to get clear on your values is to just start with a list of common values. That one linked is a list of the world’s most influential values–meaning the values that the majority of people globally identify as being the driving force(s) behind their behaviors. 

Look through the list of 56 different values–can you narrow it down to ten? Try not to overthink it–go through the whole list and circle a value as soon as it seems right to you, without thinking about how many you’re circling. Then, when you’ve gotten through the whole list, count how many you’ve circled. 

If it’s more than ten, see if you can narrow it down. Are there any that are similar? Are there any moments in your life where you’ve had to make a decision between one or the other? Which one and why? Think about what kind of person you want to be–what kind of individual, what kind of friend, what kind of partner, etc. Do any of the values you’ve selected contradict that? Cross those out. Continue this process until you get down to ten, and then count those as your (current) core values.

Think of a difficult time you got through: 

 How did you make decisions on what to do? What seemed most important and why?

Let’s say you were accepted into an academic program you want to participate in, but the cost of it means you can no longer afford to live on your own, or you will have to accept financial help from family. Here you have to consider which value is most important to you: education, or independence? And could one be achieved in another way?

For example, if independence is the stronger value, could you live on your own and do things like: take free online courses or local community classes, or listen to podcasts & read books on the subject you’re looking to further your education in? It’s a way to achive both that desire for independence without completely sacrificing a pursuit of learning.

Consider someone you admire: 

 Think of your friends, your partner, a relative, etc.  What drew you to them? What traits of theirs do you admire?

For example: Let’s say you have an aunt you always look forward to visiting. She has wonderful stories and always takes time to sit with you and talk, and you always leave wishing you could be more like her. 

Think about what it is about those visits that brings you so much joy. What about your aunt is exciting and admirable? What is it you want to be like? Does she have stories of all the friends she’s made or different places she’s visited? Maybe community and connection is one of your values. Does she push you out of your comfort zone? Perhaps the value there is adventurousness or curiosity. 

Remember your values can shift and evolve over time, so it’s important to check in with yourself about what you value. If you find yourself feeling unhappy or unsatisfied regularly after big decisions, it might be time to reconsider the values driving your behavior! 

If you’re interested in learning more ways to get clear on your values, working with a therapist can help give you the tools you need. Get in touch today to get started. 

5 Tips to Start Journaling for the First Time

5 Tips to Start Journaling for the First Time

Have you ever tried to keep a journal?

It can be a hard practice to keep up. And it can feel intimidating to start! If you’ve been on Pinterest or Instagram in the past few years, you’ve surely seen some bullet journals–a huge new trend in the world of journaling! 

Bullet journaling is meant as a mindfulness practice, and a method of rapid journaling dependent on shorthand so it can remain simple and easy to understand at a glance. However, the trend has taken off massively, especially amongst creatives, who have taken the basics of the bullet journal and made them much more elaborate or decorated records of their day to day life. 

This method of bullet journaling can be intimidating to start with. It requires a lot of forethought to figure out how you will lay out your month’s pages, what you want to keep track of, etc. So it’s easy to start out with big ambitions, and eventually get overwhelmed. 

But bullet journaling isn’t the only option out there for a regular, mindful journaling practice. And, it’s better to pick a method that can easily fit into your existing routine, until it becomes a habit for you. Eventually you may like journaling so much you might want to take all of that time to set up your pages for the month ahead! But until you know that will fill your cup, try to give yourself a more accessible goal for a beginner. 

Here are 5 tips for first time journalers getting started: 

You don’t have to have a paper journal: 

While it’s always nice to take a break from screens, and having a physical paper journal can help you ground yourself in the present moment, if you don’t want to go out and buy one before you’re a constant journal-er you don’t have to! You can keep a journal in your phone, in a notes app, or on your laptop in a blank word document. 

Give yourself some “rules”: 

Forming a daily journaling habit can seem daunting at first. You might think, what will I write about every day? What if I can’t think of anything? That’s why it can be helpful to have some sort of guide of what you want to get in your journal. Maybe you write one thing you struggled with, one thing you enjoyed, and an update about something in your life. That’s three quick sentences and you can say you’ve written in your journal that day! It doesn’t have to be those questions, pick ones that work for you. You can use those “rules” for what to write about everyday or just days when you can’t think of what to write! It’s totally up to you. 

Schedule it into your day: 

Leaving your journaling practice for “whenever you have time” will quickly turn into you never having time to journal. So pick ten minutes of your day, and block them off in your calendar. Those are your journaling minutes! It can be whenever works for you, but make sure you commit to including it in your schedule. 

Don’t be afraid to try new techniques: 

There are a lot of journaling techniques out there that people have written all about. If one style of journaling just feels frustrating and fruitless, allow yourself to let that style go! You’re not obligated to journal the same way forever, just because you tried it once. Follow your own needs, and give yourself permission to try different styles until you find one you like.  

Pair it with something you enjoy: 

Journaling shouldn’t always feel like a chore. As you’re getting started it might feel a little chore-like, but as the habit develops it should be something you enjoy! Treat it like something special; maybe you have some fancy chocolates you can pair with your journaling habit, or make yourself a warm cup of coffee to savor as you reflect on your day. Make journaling a pleasure! 

If you need some extra support in figuring out how to start your journey of self care and self reflection, we can help. Contact us today! 

Reaffirming Your Covid Boundaries

Welcome to the New Year! 

As we enter 2022, it’s a good time to take a moment to pause and reflect on your boundaries. We’re still in a pandemic, so boundaries are something that have been shifting and changing for all of us over the last two years.

It’s natural for boundaries to shift and change over time.

And it’s not a sign that the boundary isn’t working or hasn’t served you. But as time goes on, much of our lives change! Even if we don’t notice it, as it happens gradually day to day, we’ve changed a lot in a year. And as we change, we need to consider which of our habits and boundaries are serving us, and which we should let go of. 

And, as Covid cases rise and fall, it’s important to know where your boundaries are, so you can make choices based on your own feelings of comfort and safety, and not based on what you think others want you to do. 

When was the last time you reconsidered your pandemic boundaries? You probably do it without noticing day to day, when you decide where you need to mask up, and where your risk is lower. But it’s always a good idea to take some time to really intentionally reflect on your comfort levels and what will make you feel safe as we continue to navigate this pandemic. That way you can feel confident when you need to communicate and enforce them, because you’ve taken the time to really understand your needs. 

Questions you can ask yourself to reflect on your Covid boundaries:

• What are the cases looking like in my local area?

• What are the recommended precautions in my area?

• How many people do I intend to see on a regular basis?

• Do I know (in general) how many people they interact with daily?

• Do I know who of my social circle is vaccinated? 

• Will I be around anyone who cannot get vaccinated?

• Do I have underlying health risks I need to be concerned about?

These are all questions you’ve probably asked yourself before. But taking time to sit with them again as circumstances change throughout the pandemic can help ease anxiety, as it’s a way for you to take control of what you’re able to, when so much else is out of your control. 

Now that we’re so deep into the pandemic, some of our boundaries are becoming more relaxed, so it can feel tough to reinforce firm boundaries.

It can be so hard to go back to strict boundaries after relaxing them a bit, especially if you worry it will offend your loved ones. But not sticking to your boundaries can make it even harder to enforce new ones when you need to. While it may be uncomfortable it’s important to communicate that your boundaries are not up for negotiation. 

If you need help figuring out how to word your boundaries as you communicate them, you can find examples here! 

If you need support setting and communicating your boundaries, we can help. Our clinicians are trained in evidence-based treatments that can help change the way you treat yourself. Get in touch today to book a session!

Who Can Benefit from Inner Child Work?

What is your inner child?

We’ve talked about it a bit before. If you don’t know, here’s how we’ve described it in the past: 

“Your inner child is exactly what it sounds like: it is you, the younger version of you, still inside of your mind. Imagine that as you grow, you are not outgrowing past versions of yourself, but rather growing around them. So they are still there, inside of you.” 

So, essentially, you are every age you’ve ever been, all at once! While that may seem obvious, it often gets overlooked even as we develop our own self care routines. While we may be caring for our present, adult selves, we don’t necessarily think to care for the child version of ourselves that lives within our current self. 

That work or caring for the childhood version of yourself is called inner child work. 

Oftentimes inner child work is talked about through the lens of healing childhood trauma–wounds we have obtained in childhood often go unhealed into adulthood. And those untended wounds can impact our mental and emotional health, our relationships, etc. 

Inner child work involves getting in touch with your inner child's desires, needs and wounds, and finding ways to reparent yourself in order to meet those needs and heal those wounds. This is also something we’ve touched on before. If you need a refresher as to what it means to reparent your inner child, here is a quick recap: 

If growing up you didn’t feel safe and loved and listened to, then because of your inner child, there is still a part of you holding onto that fear. As the adult you are now, you are able to identify what in your inner child needs healing, and then provide them with it. This is how you work as both parent and child within yourself.  You are the child, hurting. And you are the parent, helping them heal. 

What if I don’t hate my family?

Inner child work can be painful, and often brings up very complicated feelings about your family, as it is about getting in touch with your own unmet needs. But inner child work isn’t just for people who hate their families or don’t want relationships with them. (In fact inner child work can often help to heal those tumultuous relationships, and allow for deeper intimacy). 

So inner child work isn’t about blaming or hating your family. It’s about identifying needs you had that weren’t met and wounds you suffered that have yet to heal. It’s about you finding the spots where you need extra care and giving it to yourself, not about condemning the relationships you have in your life.

People who have both positive and negative relationships with their families can engage in inner child work! Inner child work is about empowering yourself to act as your own parent, and give yourself permission to meet all of your needs. This is something that can be done on your own, or with external support from your family–because it’s not about fixing them. It’s about recignizing the ways in which you can move forward, and serve yourself. 

How do you know if your inner child needs support?

It probably does! Most of us have unhealed wounds from childhood. That doesn’t necessarily mean you’ve suffered a trauma that you haven’t processed yet–but plenty of small things stick with us when we’re children and into adulthood. You might be surprised to learn that there are wounds you’ve been ignoring. 

And even if you don’t have wounds that need healing, it can be an act of self care to tap into your inner child and play with them! Adults benefit from playtime too!  Inner child work can help you tap into that sense of playfulness you might not engage with as frequently as an adult. 

If you’re looking for more support as you explore your inner child, a therapist can help suggest skills that fit your needs. Contact us today!

3 Things Your Inner Child Needs to Hear from You

What is an inner child?

Have you heard the phrase inner child before? Do you know what it is? Well, it’s exactly what it sounds like! It’s the childhood versions of yourself that you carry with you now. Think about it: as you age you don’t lose those past selves. When you turn eleven, your ten year old self doesn’t stop existing. She’s just now tucked away in the heart of your eleven year old self! 

But what does that really mean?

It means that while yes, we may be adults now, sometimes it is not our adult self reacting to what’s happening to us, but the hurt child inside of us. When you feel like you’re “overreacting” or “being crazy” what’s most likely happening is that an old wound from childhood, which never really healed, was activated again. And while your adult self may know logically, you are going to be okay and you don’t need to “freak out” that freak out you’re feeling is your inner child trying to get your attention. They’re shouting “hey! Something’s wrong! Help me!” 

Now, this doesn’t mean that every time you’re upset you should think “this is no big deal it’s just the little kid in me freaking out.” In fact the opposite! Minimizing it as just a childlike meltdown won’t help you–it will just brush the problem aside until it comes up again. And it will come up again until the wound is tended to, as you’ve already seen! 

Instead, imagine you are standing next to your inner child.

Picture your younger self, at eight years old, at ten, at twelve, etc. Whatever age it is that needs your attention. Think about the hurt they are feeling. Maybe even imagine you’re asking them. Ask them, “what’s wrong? What are you feeling?” 

You can have this conversation out loud yourself, or in your head, or in a journal if you find that’s helpful. The most important thing in the process is to show your inner child the kindness and patience you may not have gotten.

If you don’t know where to start, here are 3 things inner child needs to hear from you to facilitate that healing: 

I’m glad you’re here.

If you’re carrying around unhealed wounds from childhood, it’s likely you weren’t made to feel safe enough to ask for help. You might have been made to feel like a burden, which may have made it hard or even impossible for you to call attention to yourself when you needed an adult to step up and help you. That inner child inside you–even if they are just “talking” to you–may still have this fear. Welcome them, tell them you’re glad they are there–and you’re glad they shouted loud enough for you to hear them. You are happy to see them, and you want to help. 

It’s not fair that you feel this way. Or: It’s not fair that that happened to you. 

While you can make space to listen to your inner child, you can’t go back in time and fix whatever hurt them. This can feel painful to realize–for your adult self and your inner child. You can't fix the hurt! That’s natural. But sometimes all we can do, even for ourselves is to acknowledge the hurt.  You know as an adult that the way you were treated as a child wasn’t right, but that child in you still doesn’t know. They still think it’s how they deserve to be treated, or that it’s their fault. Letting them know it’s not your fault and it’s not fair can be an incredibly powerful way to start that healing. 

I’m proud of you for surviving. 

Many of us develop habits in childhood that help us survive our environments–both physically and emotionally. However, some of these habits can be things like protecting your feelings, avoiding vulnerability, trying to predict others feelings or actions, etc. All of these things can help protect a child in an emotionally volatile environment where they are punished for needing support. But as we age, those tools no longer serve us, and what was crucial for survival once now can get in the way of growth and happiness. Instead of resenting the child in you for developing these habits, let them know you’re proud of them for doing what they needed to do to survive. Let them know you understand their hesitation, but that it’s safe now and you’re there to help them drop those habits as they heal. 

Talking to your inner child isn’t the only way to work on healing! You can take some time to think about things you liked as a child, what brought you joy and made you feel safe, and incorporate those into your life now to show that inner child they are welcome and safe. You can choose to do things that seem silly because you know they will help feed that inner child. Go rollerskating, paint with your fingers, make some playdough! Your inner child will thank you.  

If you’re looking to go deeper into your inner child work, our therapists can help support you. Get in touch with us today to schedule an appointment!