How Can My Therapist Help with My Chronic Pain?

How can my therapist help with my chronic pain?

Suffering from chronic pain, or having a chronic illness with severe physical symptoms might not seem like the kind of thing you can go to a therapist for, but a therapist can be a key element of your chronic pain management. 

While your illness or pain may be physically located in your body, that doesn’t mean it’s entirely separate from your mental health. In fact, mental and physical health are incredibly linked. So, when your mental health suffers, your physical health often suffers, and vice versa: 

You might have experienced swings in mood or energy when you’re not feeling well, and that can be exponentially more intense in the case of chronic illness. In fact, people with chronic illnesses are two times more likely to experience anxiety and depression than people who don’t have a chronic illness…In fact, it has even been suggested that depression is associated with inflammation in the brain, so increased inflammation in the body due to physical illness may directly play a role in depression. 

5 Ways Chronic Illness Can Affect Your Mental Health

So how can your therapist aid in your chronic illness management? Your therapist can help you… 

…unpack and unlearn feelings of guilt and shame: 

We live in a culture that prioritizes hustling, being self made, and never resting. Those goals are often impossible to achieve for folks with chronic illness. There is much more rest, many more limitations, and many more instances of needing help from others when you’re chronically ill rather than able bodied. 

But, because of imposed cultural values like self sufficiency and productivity, taking the rest you need, caring for your body in the way it requires, and asking for help when you need it can all bring feelings of guilt and shame with them. That will be complicated even more by your family history, your history within relationships, and your history of getting your needs met. Your therapist can help you find your way through all of this and help you reduce those feelings of guilt and shame so you can take care of yourself the way you deserve. 

…develop self compassion and strengthen your self worth: 

It’s difficult to learn to rest. It’s even harder to learn to be nice to yourself about resting or respecting your limitations. And it’s an additional challenge to unlink your self worth from your productivity. In therapy you can explore what you feel the root of your self worth is, get comfortable with the idea of your inherent worth as a person, and develop habits rooted in self compassion rather than shame. 

…manage increased stress:

Managing an illness or constant pain is stressful. Adding in the logistics of likely needing medication, various doctors appointments, the work it takes to plan outings ahead of time to ensure accommodations, etc. Learning to manage stress to prevent burnout is a key skill practiced in therapy that can benefit anyone, but especially those managing chronic illness. 

…practice communication skills for difficult situations:

With chronic pain, comes limitations. You might not be able to do everything your friends want you to do. You may feel left out when friends or loved ones don’t make accommodations for you. These types of situations necessitate uncomfortable conversations, which depend on strong communication skills. Learning how to let someone know your needs, and finding ways to express your feelings clearly can help to strengthen your relationships as you navigate chronic illness. 

…work through the grief & trauma of chronic illness: 

Life after a chronic illness is very different to life before a chronic illness. And, with any major change or loss, that can bring grief or feel traumatic to us. Instead of trying to ignore that grief, you can take time to honor it in therapy. Your therapist can help you identify what it is you’re grieving, and help you hold that grief and move forward without it controlling you.  

…navigate relationship changes and loss: 

Sometimes the relationships we’re in aren’t able to withstand the challenges that come with managing a chronic illness. Or, if they do, they look distinctly different than the relationship did before there was a chronic illness to manage. That can be a lot to take on between two people, and it’s common to need outside support. Whether as a couple, or as an individual, it can be great to work with a therapist to navigate the changes and losses in your relationships that come along with chronic illness. 

The majority of people in the United States will experience chronic illness at some point in their lives. Treating the whole person is an important way to improve a person’s quality of life overall. It’s critical to take into account mental health when discussing physical health and vice versa. If you are living with a chronic illness and you’re looking for support, we can help. 

7 Blogs to Read if You’re Dealing with Chronic Illness

Living with chronic illness impacts your whole life. 

From your relationships, to your work life, to your self-image, chronic illness finds a way to influence everything. Many of us prefer to think that chronic illness is something we’ll never have to deal with, so it can seem jarring or even frightening to consider what our lives would be like if we dealt with chronic illness.

Part of the fear that comes from imagining life with chronic illness is that we live in a world that was not designed for disabled or chronically ill people to move through. We understand, on some level, how difficult it is to navigate a world that is at best indifferent to you and at worst hostile to your participation. 

When we understand more about the experience of folks living with chronic illness, it's easier to be empathetic and to extend compassion to others and to yourself. Studies show that six out of every ten adults in the United States are living with a chronic illness, so chronic illness is definitely not as rare as we might like to think. 

Especially in the wake of a mass disabling event like the Covid-19 pandemic, it’s important to consider what the world is like as a chronically ill person and what we can all do to make things a little easier on folks who do live with a chronic illness. 

To help make a difficult experience a little easier, we’ve gathered 7 of our blog posts related to living your best life with a chronic illness: 

The majority of people in the United States will experience chronic illness at some point in their lives. 

There’s no doubt about it - living with a chronic illness has an impact on your mental health because our mental and physical health is interconnected. Just because you don’t have to worry about chronic illness right now doesn’t mean that will always be the case.

It’s critical to understand the ways that chronic illness can impact mental health because the odds are that you will experience chronic illness at some point in your life, whether for yourself or through someone you love.

Read 5 Ways Chronic Illness can Affect Your Mental Health

Do you have a loved one who deals with chronic pain?

It’s not always easy to know how to show up for someone when they’re going through something serious or life-changing, like dealing with chronic illness or pain. It’s also difficult for folks who don’t live with chronic illness or chronic pain to really understand all the different ways that it impacts everyday life. 

Learning ways to be more conscientious about making plans and prioritizing accommodations for your chronically ill friends can make them feel safe and cared for, which is ideally how we want our friends to feel in our presence, right? 

Read How to Be There for A Friend with Chronic Pain

When you can have reasonable expectations for yourself & your limits, you can start to develop compassion for those limits. 

It can be frustrating as a chronically ill person to feel like your limits change from day to day. Your energy levels change, your symptoms shift, and it can be hard to find a routine that you can sustain for more than a few days. At times it can even feel like you’re working against your own body, which can feel heartbreaking and confusing. 

It’s important to learn how to be compassionate with yourself when you’re chronically ill. There are already enough things to deal with when you’re in pain or symptomatic without being hard on yourself on top of it. 

Read Developing Self Compassion While Living with Chronic Illness

Are you parenting a child with chronic pain?

Watching your child suffer is devastating as a parent. You might feel helpless when your child is in pain or stuck, like you don’t know where to turn for help. It’s also logistically difficult to parent a child with complicated medical needs, and parents of chronically ill children often feel isolated or burnt out. 

Finding ways to support both children with chronic pain and their parents as they navigate this complicated experience can help improve quality of life, even in the face of pain. 

Read 3 Tips for Parenting a Child with Chronic Pain

Since chronic illness is longer term than acute illness, it tends to ripple out and affect even more of people’s everyday lives, including their relationships. 

Unfortunately, the reality for many chronically ill people is that their relationships change after their diagnosis. There are lots of reasons why this happens, but it often feels extremely personal and painful. 

Many people don’t realize how isolating and exhausting chronic illness is, and since it’s a long-term condition, the impacts on relationships can be long-lasting. Practicing speaking up for your needs, setting boundaries, and practicing coping with grief can all help you navigate changing relationships in the aftermath of your chronic illness diagnosis. 

Read How to Cope With Losing Relationships as a Result of Your Chronic Illness

One thing that might surprise folks about living with a chronic illness is the amount of grief there is to navigate. 

Chronic illness has a way of changing everything about your life, from the way you relax to your job to your relationships. Major changes and upheaval in your life often lead to grief, and learning how to cope with that grief can make it easier to navigate. 

The grief that comes up in response to chronic illness can come from your changing relationships, the dream of what could have been if you hadn’t gotten sick, and even from the way the world treats folks with chronic illness. Learning how to move through the world in this new way takes time and lots of self compassion, and you’re not alone for feeling this way. 

Read Understanding Grief and Chronic Illness

If you suffer from chronic pain, the idea of body positivity might feel like asking a lot. 

It can be hard to feel positively about a body that is letting you down or causing you pain. Learning how to love your body and feel positively about it isn’t the only way you can have a healthy relationship with it, though.

You might need to practice readjusting your expectations and understanding your new limits. Remember that you and your body are worthy of respect and care, no matter what else is going on.  

Read Can I Have a Healthy Relationship with My Body Without Loving It?

If you would like more support in coping with chronic illness or dealing with body changes, our therapists at Hope+Wellness can help. Reach out today to make an appointment! 

Getting Started with Hiking for Mental Health

Did you know just going out in nature is good for your mental health?

It’s true! Just going for a walk in your neighborhood counts too–anywhere there is some sort of green (trees and plants) and fresh air is good for your mental health. Lisa Nisbet, PhD, a psychologist at Trent University in Ontario, Canada told the American Psychological Association: 

“There is mounting evidence, from dozens and dozens of researchers, that nature has benefits for both physical and psychological human well­being. You can boost your mood just by walking in nature, even in urban nature. And the sense of connection you have with the natural world seems to contribute to happiness even when you’re not physically immersed in nature.”

One easy way to spend time in nature? Hiking! It’s a wonderful way to build both physical and mental health. Here are a few benefits of hiking:  

Benefits of Hiking: 

It gets your body moving:

While you definitely don’t need to be hitting the gym five days a week, it’s still best practice to find gentle & joyful ways to move your body–both for your physical and mental health. Our culture has an odd relationship to exercise, where it can very easily become toxic if not navigated intentionally. That’s why something like hiking can be such a wonderful way to fill that need for moving your body! No matter what experience level you’re at–whether hiking to you is a leisurely stroll through the woods, or an intense mountain climbing experience–there’s a way to make hiking work for you. 

It can also be a social activity: 

Hiking gives you the opportunity to explore paths all around where you live (or further, if you’re an adventure hiker!) If you have a favorite trail, inviting friends or loved ones, or taking a date there can be a great way to spend meaningful time with people away from the distractions of technology. 

It offers a chance for meditation: 

Spending time in nature is a great way to give yourself a chance to just slow down. Put your phone away (or pick a trail where you don’t get reception anyway) and use the hike as a way to engage with your senses, your surroundings and the present moment. What are you seeing on the trail? What sounds can you hear? Other hikers? Streams? Animals running through the woods? Wind blowing through the trees? Can you smell anything? How does the trail feel under your feet? If finding a way to fit a meditation practice into your day to day life is a challenge, using hiking as an opportunity for mindfulness can help strengthen your ability to slow down and stay present. And since you want to be enjoying nature anyway, hiking is the perfect time!

It can help you get to know your local history: 

Some hiking trails follow along historical landmarks or areas of local history, with placards marking different spots to tell you what happened there. You can also learn about what sorts of plants and animals are common and native to your area, learn the history of the trails and why they are where they are. Using hiking as an opportunity to get to know your local area can be a fun way to feel more connected to where you live, which reduces feelings of loneliness and isolation. 

Getting started with hiking: 

If you’re new to hiking, it might seem like an intimidating hobby. But you don’t have to be an expert adventurer to have fun on the trails. Here are a few tips to help you get started if you’ve never tried hiking before: 

Look up family friendly trails: 

If you’re unsure about your hiking skill level, no worries! Plenty of trails are designed for families, and are a great place to start out. Go on yelp or google or alltrails and look up family friendly hikes in your area and you should be able to find plenty of places to get started. 

Crowdsource hikes in your area: 

There may be a local hiking enthusiasts facebook or meetup group you can join. You can also make a post on a local subreddit to see if anyone has favorite trails to recommend. Even social and dating apps like Lex (a classified style app where you post about social groups/dates/community events) to search for good trails and new hiking buddies in your area! 

Work with what you have: 

You don’t need to go out and buy a bunch of outdoor equipment to get into hiking. If it turns out to be something you like, a comfortable sturdy pair of hiking boots might be a good idea, but other than that, if you’re just taking walks on local trails? Don’t worry about it! Start off with your best pair of sneakers and some comfortable clothes you don’t mind getting dirty, and just have fun! Remember, you’re not hiking to be the best hiker out there, you don’t need to level up every time you go out. Do what is comfortable and enjoyable for you. That way you’ll want to do it again!

Hiking has many benefits, for both your physical and mental health, and it’s a coping skill you can keep in your mental health toolbox for when you need it. If you’re looking for other skills and tools to help support your mental health, working with a therapist can help you find what works for you.  

How to Cope With Losing Relationships as a Result of Your Chronic Illness

Many people don’t understand what it’s like to be seriously ill. People often also don’t know what to do when someone is sick. If you’ve ever dealt with a loss in your life you might be familiar with this. Some people don’t know what to say or do, so instead of saying the ‘wrong’ thing, they disappear until the crisis is over. It’s not a nice thing to do, certainly, but it is a human reaction to discomfort. Unfortunately, for folks living with chronic illness, this experience is all too familiar. With chronic illness however, there is no end in sight, and because of that some relationships just don’t survive. 

What is chronic illness in the first place? 

According to the Centers for Disease Control & Prevention (CDC), “Chronic diseases are defined broadly as conditions that last 1 year or more and require ongoing medical attention or limit activities of daily living or both. Chronic diseases such as heart disease, cancer, and diabetes are the leading causes of death and disability in the United States.”

What’s important to remember is that this is NOT your fault. Your illness doesn’t make you any less worthy of friendship and support in your life. A chronic illness diagnosis can bring up a lot of different feelings at once: worry, shame, relief, fear, exhaustion, and confusion are just a few. It’s hard enough to wrap your head around your diagnosis and how that will change your life without blaming yourself for your illness. 

The sad truth is, most people don’t know what it’s like to live with a chronic illness. Even though it shouldn’t fall on the ill person to explain things, you may find yourself going over the details over your illness repeatedly to clear up the confusion. That alone can be exhausting. Some people also don’t understand how isolating illness can be. Even though it’s not okay to treat people differently after their diagnosis, it’s a common response. However, there are ways to deal with changing relationships as a result of your chronic illness. 

Set boundaries

Boundaries are basically when you tell people what you expect from them. When you talk to someone about your illness and their response to it, go into the conversation with a few boundaries in mind. Let them know what you expect of them in this situation since as we mentioned above, most people have no idea what to do when someone is seriously ill. You can make it clear that you expect them to visit you regularly, that you’d like regular time to spend together, that you are available or unavailable to talk about your illness and anything else that will help you feel supported. Sometimes people just need direction and they can adjust their behavior accordingly. 

Speak up

When someone hurts you, tell them. Most people don’t understand how their actions look or feel to others. Maybe your friend didn’t know what to say, so instead of saying the wrong thing, they figured they’d get out of your way until they knew. If this (or something like it) happens in your life, call it out! Sometimes being reminded of the way our actions impact others can be enough of a wake-up call to act differently. If you bring up your concerns and feelings

Write them a letter

Even if you never send it, it can be really cathartic to write a letter to someone who has hurt you. You can process your feelings, go over what you’d like to say, and set the record straight to the best of your ability. You can send it or not, but sometimes just the act of writing down your feelings can be eye-opening. 

Learn about grief

Grief isn’t just for death. You can grieve any type of loss - including the loss of the life you had before your diagnosis. When you lose friendships as a result of your illness, you also experience grief. Grief is universal - at some point, everyone will feel it. Do some reading about grief to familiarize yourself with the grieving process so you know what to expect. Remember to be gentle with yourself and that there’s no wrong way to grieve. 

A chronic illness diagnosis can be totally life changing, and not just from a medical perspective. Since chronic illness is longer term than acute illness, it tends to ripple out and effect even more of people’s everyday lives, including their relationships. If you find your relationships changing as a result of your chronic illness, remember to be gentle with yourself - none of this is your fault. If you need more support in coping with these changing relationships, our therapists at Hope+Wellness can help.  

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therapist in falls church, mclean, tysons corner, merrifield, arlington and vienna, va

Hope+Wellness is a psychotherapy practice serving the Falls Church, McLean, Great Falls, Vienna, Arlington, Alexandria, and the greater Washington DC region. We provide compassionatecare to children, teens, and adults with stress, anxiety, and depression. Our practice is in-network with BCBS and provides Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), mindfulness and acceptance based therapies, and other top, premier evidence-based treatments. Call, email, or schedule an appointment with us online today. We’re happy to help!