4 Ways To Widen Your Window Of Tolerance

4 Ways To Widen Your Window Of Tolerance

Do you ever feel like you have a hard time coping with the ups and downs of life? 

Learning more about your window of tolerance (WoT) and how to widen it can help you feel more capable of coping with what comes your way, no matter what it is. 

What is a window of tolerance?

To recap from our blog post a few weeks ago, it’s “the window where you are able to regulate your emotions and stay grounded in the present is called your window of tolerance. In this zone, you experience a balance of hyperarousal and hypoarousal. You’re right in the sweet spot where you’re able to react rationally, regulate your emotions, and cope with what’s going on.”

Your window of tolerance is the zone where you feel most like yourself. Some call it “Wise Mind”. This zone isn’t set in stone for your whole life. There are things that happen that can narrow your window of tolerance, like attachment wounds, trauma, or abuse. It’s also possible to widen your window of tolerance, and expand your ability to regulate your emotions. 

How does your Window of Tolerance affect you?

When you’re in your window of tolerance, you feel grounded, calm, and capable of accessing your intuition and rational mind. You can be outside of your window of tolerance in two ways: hyperarousal  and hypoarousal. When you’re hyperaroused, you might feel anxious, jittery, hypervigilant, or high energy. On the other hand, when you’re hypoaroused, you might feel numb, depressed, frozen, or ashamed. 

It’s uncomfortable to be in these states of extreme stress for a long time. Your body isn’t meant to constantly be in fight, fight, freeze, or fawn mode. Physiologically, it’s not beneficial to be flooded with stress hormones all the time or to be so numb that you dissociate. When your mental state seems like it runs away without your permission, it can feel like you’re out of control, even if you’re not doing it on purpose. 

Everyone’s window of what they can tolerate is different. We’re all born differently, first of all, and so some people are just naturally able to tolerate more than others. Adverse experiences, like trauma, abuse, or neglect, also have an impact on our window of tolerance. If your window of tolerance isn’t as wide as you’d like it to be, remember that it’s not your fault. Your body and brain are doing their best to protect you, even if it’s leading to more distress down the line. The first step is noticing what’s going on, so give yourself some credit for learning more about this topic. 

Why widen your Window of Tolerance at all?

Widening your window of tolerance helps with emotional regulation. When you have a hard time tolerating emotions, emotional regulation is a ton of work. When you learn how to work within your window of tolerance and expand it, you’ll find it easier to return to a baseline that’s calm, rational, and capable. Increasing your window of tolerance also increases your resilience and reduces feelings of shame. It’s uncomfortable to feel emotionally dysregulated, and feeling out of control of yourself can lead to shame. 

Learning how to soothe yourself back into your window of tolerance teaches you that you’re more capable than you think. 

Learning where your window of tolerance is gives you more information about yourself. It can be tricky to look at your own thoughts, feelings, and behaviors without judgment sometimes. When you understand more about where your window of tolerance is, you’ll be able to have a deeper understanding of why you do the things you do. You can look with curiosity instead of judgment when new intense emotions come up. 

It’s beneficial to work on widening your window of tolerance. Here are 4 ways to practice:  .

Notice when you’re outside your window

The first step to widening your WoT is to notice when you are outside of it. It’s helpful to learn specifically what it feels like to you to be outside your window, whether you’re hyperaroused or hypoaroused. Being able to spot when you’re moving away from your window will help you intervene more effectively so you can get back to your regulated self. Keep track of a few tell-tale signs that you’re outside your window. Maybe you notice your breathing picks up or you feel tension in your stomach. Maybe you start to feel numb or disconnected from yourself. Understanding your own patterns will help you figure out what to do next. 

Once you’ve spotted that you’re outside of your window of tolerance, you can use your skills to return there. It’s helpful to have a number of coping skills to choose from so if one isn’t working or you feel you need more support you have options. Working with a therapist can help you learn and practice coping skills that will support you in returning to your baseline instead of fight or flight. 

Practice mindfulness

When you’re outside your WoT, it can feel like your brain is running away from you, either all fired up or off to shut down. Either way, when you’re outside of your window of tolerance, you’re often not focused on the present moment. Other things get in the way, and it can take a conscious choice to return back to the present moment. 

A powerful way to move back to your window of tolerance is to practice mindfulness. This can be a grounding practice, deep breathing, meditation, movement - anything that moves your thoughts away from the stress and toward what is happening in the present moment. 

Let yourself be uncomfortable

It doesn’t feel good to be outside your window of tolerance. Our brains don’t like to be uncomfortable, so often they will do anything to distract us from the discomfort. However, to widen your window of tolerance, you’ll need to practice being comfortable with being uncomfortable. 

It can be hard to remember that all feelings are temporary when you’re in the middle of an intense emotional reaction. Try to remind yourself that what you’re feeling will pass. It might be helpful to remind yourself that you have coping skills that you can use to help you feel better when you’re done with the uncomfortable feeling. The more practice you give yourself with these painful feelings, the more you will see that you are able to cope more effectively than you think. 

Be a safe place for yourself

When you’ve lived for so long in a state of stress or arousal, it can feel like everything, including your own thoughts, is unsafe. Do what you can to suspend judgment for yourself. It’s no fun being judged, especially by yourself. When you practice self compassion, you show yourself that you’re safe. Your brain is really smart - it picks up on what your beliefs about yourself are, even if they’re unconscious. Think about it - do you respond well to harsh criticism, threats, and insults? Probably not. It’s way more motivating to be curious and compassionate about where you’re coming from. 

Are you looking for more ways to widen your window of tolerance? Working with a therapist can give you more ways to regulate your emotions and feel like your old self again. Get in touch with our office today to set up an appointment!

How to Make the Most of Your Time Between Sessions

Therapy can be a powerfully transformative process and an integral part of our support system, but going to therapy isn’t where the work starts and ends. In session, you’re able to do deep emotional work and get tools to help support you while you’re out of session, but that out of session work is just as important as what you do while you’re there with your therapist! 

It’s in that time outside of your usual session that you get to see how you’re able to apply the tools you’re developing with your therapist, how well you’re able to navigate obstacles, and how your progress looks out in your daily life! 

So how can you make the most out of the time between your therapy sessions?

Well first, remember it will be different for everyone. What helps you and your healing might not help someone else. And, what helps you one day may not be helpful the next. It’s important to not just get in a routine so you’re checking things off of your “mental health to do” list, but actually engage with how you’re feeling after your session and during the time between in order to do the most impactful work! 

For example,  some sessions may be helping you connect patterns to better understand your behavior or work to prepare for big changes in your life.  After those types of sessions, you might be ready to take some risks and push your boundaries. That can be a good way to take intentional steps forward with your progress! Other sessions may be heavier than, they may feel like you slow way down and dive deep into just one thing. After those sessions, taking big steps would probably be taking on too much too soon. You need time for reflection and emotional processing, too, so there are other things you can do between those types of sessions. 

Here are a few ideas of what you can do to make the most of your time between therapy sessions: 

Journal + Reflect: 

What did you talk about in the session? How did you feel while you were talking about it? Were you uncomfortable? Did you hold anything back? Write about all of these things, write about what you chose not to talk about and why, what your therapist helped you understand, what you wish you had time to talk about, how you think you’ll see your newfound insights show up throughout the week, etc. This can be a good practice to do just after the session so you can reflect, and then keep notes on things you notice throughout the week to bring back to your next session. 

Take one small risk: 

Or take one action that supports what you and your therapist were talking about in session. Is there a conversation you’ve been dreading? Can you initiate it? Is there something new you’ve wanted to try but haven’t? Think about what’s been coming up over and over in session, and see if you can come up with a small action to support it. 

Be proud of yourself: 

Keep a running list of things you notice between sessions that you handle well, that you’re proud of yourself for, etc. What came up this week that showed you how far you’ve come? When did you wish you had more support? 

Let yourself be present: 

While self reflection is good, and doing it between sessions is important so you can continue to see the work you’ve done in therapy show up in your day to day life, you don’t want to get so caught up in your own head that you’re unable to be present. Too much self-analyzing isn’t helpful! It’s also important to just let yourself be present in your life. While your healing is important, part of that is allowing you to exist without doing any work to “earn” it. Let yourself enjoy your day and see a friend without putting every action under a microscope. 

Are you looking for more ways to support yourself both in and out of session? Working with us can help you learn more about yourself and your patterns so you can make changes if you want to. Get in touch with our office today to get started. 

5 Ideas for Starting a Self-Development Practice

5 Ideas for Starting a Self-Development Practice

Are you someone who likes to improve yourself?

We all like to think that we’re the best versions of ourselves. Life is full of lessons, and as humans we’re always learning and changing. What was important to you 6 years ago is probably different from what was important to you 6 months ago. Our values shift, we gain more experiences in the world, and we learn more about ourselves along the way. Change happens naturally, but there are also times when people actively seek out changes in their lives in a self-development practice.

Life would be pretty boring if everything stayed the same forever. Wanting to work on self-development or improve yourself doesn’t mean that you’re not happy with where your life is right now. Sometimes that’s the case for people, but often people decide to work on themselves because they love and value who they are and want the best for themselves. 

When going down the road of self-development, it can be tempting to compare yourself to everyone else.

There’s always going to be someone who seems like they’re doing everything better than you - work, family, friends, romance, hobbies. Remember that what you’re seeing is the highlight reel. Most people hide the tricky parts of life on social media, so everything looks super easy and simple. Real life is complicated, and it’s okay. You don’t need to compare yourself to anyone else, even when you’re working on self-development. 

To help you avoid the comparison trap, try to keep in mind why you’re working on self-development. What is your goal? Working on yourself can help you:

• Learn new things

• Have new experiences

• Meet new people

• Live out your values

• Break bad habits

• Change the way you relate to people

• Work on regulating your emotions

Wanting to improve doesn’t mean you didn’t like who you were before. It can mean that you want to give yourself new experiences, you believe in your abilities, or even that someone inspired you to do things differently. Whatever your reasons, There are some simple steps you can take to start a self-development practice. 

Here are 5 suggestions for how you can start a self-development practice for yourself: 

Read as much as you can

Making time for reading can be a tall order these days, but reading is a major way to learn new things. With reading, you can experience different points of view, explore new concepts, and give your brain something to do besides endless scrolling. Whether you like to read books, magazines, newspapers, ereaders, articles, or something else, there’s something out there for you. When you spend more time reading, you also have less time to spend on things like social media or a Netflix binge. 

Be accountable for harm you cause

We all cause harm. We all make mistakes. That’s a part of life! We don’t all learn how to be accountable for the harm we cause, though. It’s tough to admit to yourself that you hurt someone or caused harm somewhere. Pretending it didn’t happen doesn’t help anyone, though. 

When a situation comes up where you don’t react the way you want to, own up to it. Apologize if you need to. Make a plan for how you’re going to prevent it from happening again. It’s hard to do this, but it gets easier with practice. It also gets easier when you remind yourself that even when you cause harm, you are still worthy, valuable, and lovable as a person. Doing harm isn’t great, but it doesn’t negate everything else that you are either. We all cause harm at some point or another, so try to lead with compassion, even for yourself. 

Practice self-soothing

Lots of us don’t learn how to make ourselves feel better in effective ways until fairly late in life. We all have moments where we’re in distress, but in those moments it is tough to know what will actually make us feel better. Teaching yourself how to self-soothe is a skill that will pay off over and over. 

There are tons of ways to self-soothe. Some people find movement really soothing. Others like to practice grounding techniques or use DBT skills to manage distress. Therapy can help teach you different ways to cope when you’re feeling distressed which you can then take with you into your everyday life and use as needed. 

Make time for rest

We all need to rest, and we often don’t make time for it until we’re totally burned out. Sleep makes a huge difference, but sleep isn’t the only type of rest there is. Taking time where you’er truly not doing anything is just as important as getting enough sleep. When you’re not getting enough sleep, your body and brain don’t have the chance to repair themselves and process things. When you don't’ make enough time for rest, you set yourself up for burnout and stress.

Practice self reflection

Part of improving yourself is being honest with yourself when things aren’t working. If there are habits or patterns that are no longer working for you, it can be hard to admit that you need to make a change. However, remaining in denial just means that you’re going to be stuck in the same patterns. It’s okay to be honest with yourself and acknowledge that things aren’t exactly how you want them to be right now. This can also give you a chance to explore 

Are you looking for more ways to improve yourself? Working with a therapist can help you learn more about yourself and your patterns so you can make changes if you want to. Get in touch with our office today to get started. 

7 Ways to Spend Your Time for Better Mental Health

How do you normally spend your time?

How we spend our time can be a huge contributor to our health, both mental and physical. It’s important to spend our time in ways that nourish and take care of ourselves (both in our body and in our mind) as well as provide balance so we’re not just treating ourselves like machines who don’t need variation. 

One method of doing this is called the Healthy Mind Platter, and it was created by Dr. Dan Siegel. In this framework, Dr. Siegel provides seven uses of our time as different portions on a platter, similar to the food pyramid guiding us on recommended dietary nutrition. According to Dr. Siegal, these seven uses of our time are the best ways to tend to our mental health and well being. 

These seven uses of our time are: 

• Sleep time

• Physical time

• Focus time

• Time in 

• Down time

• Play Time 

• Concentrating time

Not all seven have to be part of your routine every single day, in fact humans need variation. But having a regular balance of these seven types of time in general helps to optimize your brain function and contribute to your overall well being. 

So what does each type of these seven “times” consist of? Let’s break it down! 

Sleep time: 

This one is pretty obvious. This is when you sleep! But just because it feels obvious doesn’t actually mean it’s second nature to us. Many of us don’t have proper sleep hygiene, and we don’t even realize how much that can affect our day to day lives! But our health, our mood, our cognitive abilities and our energy levels. So being mindful about when you’re going to sleep, the environment you’re sleeping in, your physical comfort while you’re sleeping, etc. are all important considerations! 

Physical time: 

Do you know what the mind body connection is? There are many links between our mental health and our physical health–so when we tend to one, we often inadvertently tend to the other. That means finding joyful ways to engage yourself physically is so crucial to mental health! And it doesn’t have to be exercise how we often think of it, anything that gets you moving and present in your body counts. That could be gardening, playing with a pet, going dancing. There are ways to find joy in moving your body without it being an emotional burden! 

Focus time: 

This is when we commit to a task that requires focus, problem solving or is goal oriented in some way. Many of us naturally have this worked into our schedules with our work, but it doesn’t have to be work! You could do a puzzle, sudoku, or even something like go to an escape room!

Time in: 

This is reflection time. Time you take for yourself to consider yourself, any problems you’re facing, your values, current actions, etc. It could be through therapy, journaling, or some other type of self expressive art, as long as the purpose is to dive in and explore what you’re thinking and feeling. 

Down time: 

Down time is another one that is just what it sounds like–time for relaxing and resting! This is when you give your mind and body a real break. This would be any sort of “mindless” hobby like watching TV you’ve seen before, painting your nails, sitting and listening to music, etc. You’re enjoying your time but you aren’t required to do anything other than give your brain a break! 

Play time: 

Yes, adults need play time too! Having time designated to being creative and playful is key for keeping our brains active and strong, even beyond childhood. This can be any sort of hobby you have where you get to be creative, silly, and are free from the expectation to be productive in any way. 

Connecting Time

Connecting time is ideally spent in person with someone else, but that isn’t the only way you can connect to others. And, as we’re living through a pandemic it’s not always possible to see everyone you want to see in person. So, make time for in person connections when you can (meeting a friend for lunch, inviting family to your house, taking a class with someone, etc.) but allow yourself to get creative about other ways to connect too. Can you write a friend a letter and become pen pals? Can you schedule a regular phone call with friends who live far away? 

Do you need help figuring out how your routine can better support your mental health? We can help! Our clinicians are trained in evidence-based treatments that can help change the way you treat yourself. Get in touch today to book a session!

6 Things to Do When You Make a Mistake

6 Things to Do When You Make a Mistake

There’s an old saying that the only things that are certain in life are death and taxes, but there are few more things we could add to that list. Making a mistake, for example, is something that everyone has to deal with, often many times. We’re human, and we’re learning as we go, and sometimes that means that things don’t always turn out the way we want them to. Mistakes are a part of life, and they can actually be a powerful teaching tool if you allow them to be. 

Part of why making a mistake is so hard is that they’re humbling. It can be hard to admit that you didn’t do something right.  For many people, the first response to hearing they made a mistake is a feeling of shame or guilt. Some people feel defensive when they realize they’ve made a mistake. Even when someone’s reaction is frustrating or not what you want it to be, try to imagine where they’re coming from. It’s painful to admit that you’re wrong. It can be embarrassing or make you question yourself. 

Remember, literally no one is perfect.

Everyone has done something that they’re not proud of or that they’d do differently if they had a chance. If you feel an intense wave of self loathing when you make mistakes, you might be dealing with some perfectionistic tendencies. While being perfect sounds fine on the surface, in reality it’s impossible, so expecting perfection is just setting yourself up for failure. Instead of setting yourself up to fail, remember that you’re human. You’re going to get it wrong sometimes. Even when that happens, you’re going to be okay. Mistakes don’t need to define you, especially when you use them as a learning opportunity. 

Mistakes are going to happen, so having a plan in place for what you’ll do when you make a mistake can help guide you through those painful moments. If you’ve made a mistake, here are 6 things you can do:

Own it

Denying what happened isn’t doing anyone any good. Nothing can be done about a situation until the situation is acknowledged, so the sooner you own up to the mistake the sooner you can make it right. Owning your mistake also allows you to take back some of your power. It can make you feel useless when you mess up, but deciding to own it can be empowering. Yes, you messed up. It’s okay for that to be true. It doesn’t make you a bad person to make a mistake. Once you realize that, it will feel easier to own up to mistakes in the future.  

Remember mistakes don't define you

As mentioned before, you aren’t a bad person when you make a mistake. We are all complicated, and seeing things in black and white is a cognitive distortion - or a pattern of thinking that isn’t true. If you find yourself feeling like making a mistake means you’re a bad person, try to notice and interrogate that assumption. Is that true? Or do you just feel bad or embarrassed? Feeling bad and being bad are two different things. Mistakes don’t define you, but the way you respond when you make a mistake is something that people will remember. Don’t get so caught up in feeling defined by your mistake that you react with defensiveness. 

Find ways to learn from it

There’s always something to learn from a mistake. Sometimes, it’s as simple as “Don’t do that again.” Mistakes teach us resilience and responsibility. They also reveal a lot about us in our response. What are you tempted to do in the wake of a mistake? Would that actually be helpful, or would that make things worse? Whenever something happens that’s a mistake, there’s a lesson to find. 

Listen to feedback from others without defensiveness

It can be hard to listen to someone explain that you hurt them or that you did something wrong. However, keep in mind that mistakes don’t make you bad. When you know that a mistake isn't something that changes your worth as a person, it will be easier to listen to feedback from others. It can be really intimidating to confront someone on a way that they hurt you or let you down. When someone has the courage to talk to you about something like that, practice active listening. Don’t listen to respond or defend yourself. Reflect on what they shared and how your actions made them feel. Listen for what they’re asking for from you. 

If you find yourself getting defensive at first, that’s pretty human. No one likes to be told that they did something wrong. However, you don’t have to stay in defensive mode when someone is giving you feedback. You can choose to move past defensiveness into listening. 

Challenge negative self-talk

It can be easy to dwell on negative thoughts like making mistakes. It can reinforce negative beliefs that you have about yourself, and it can be hard to notice when you’re talking to yourself in a negative way. When you do notice those critical, negative thoughts coming up about yourself, do what you can to challenge them. Are they true? Is it helpful to focus on them? How can you shift your inner dialogue to one that’s more compassionate toward yourself? 

Practice self-compassion

Above all, be nice to yourself. Life is already hard enough without being a jerk to yourself on top of it. If it’s too hard to be nice to yourself, pretend you’re talking to your best friend or a younger version of yourself. It’s pretty hard to be mean to someone you love and care about for something as human as making a mistake. Extend that compassion to yourself! 

Are you struggling with how to respond to a mistake? Working with a therapist can help you gain insight into why this may be difficult for you and give you suggestions for how to move forward into patterns that are more supportive in the future. Get in touch with our office today to get started. 

8 Ways to Upgrade Your Self-Care Routine in 2022

8 Ways to Upgrade Your Self-Care Routine in 2022

Does the new year get you in the mood to make some changes? The idea of a fresh start is enticing, and the end of the year can be the perfect time to evaluate what’s working for you in your life and what you want to change in the year to come. Of course, not everyone likes making big changes at the new year (or sometimes people feel pressured to change by advertising and social media), so the idea of making a change now doesn’t sit right with everyone. If that’s the case, feel free to read over these suggestions and save them for a time when you are making a change. 

One impactful way to make a change is to reconsider and upgrade your self-care routine. The last two years have thrown a lot at us, and in turn it’s helpful to amp up the way we care for ourselves in these difficult times. 

Upgrading your self care routine can be as quick as putting reminders in your calendar to pick up your prescriptions or scheduling an appointment with a therapist. It can also mean reconsidering how you currently take care of yourself and letting go of practices that no longer serve you. 

Everyone is different, so everyone’s self-care practices and preferences will look different. It’s easy to get into the comparison game these days with everyone else’s highlight reel literally a click away, but try to focus on what you’re doing for you, not on what everyone else is doing. Even if someone’s life seems perfect, they undoubtedly have some stuff they’re dealing with behind the scenes. Your self-care routine should give you space to rest, relax, and rejuvenate, as well as feel creatively and emotionally fulfilled. 

As it happens, we have a ton of ideas for how to upgrade your self-care routine in the new year. Each suggestion leads to a more in-depth post on the topic so you can dive deep if you want to. Here they are:

Stop Comparing Yourself to Others

“When you’re constantly putting yourself up against someone else–out of either admiration or jealousy–you’re not seeing the other person as a full person. You’re only seeing the one thing that is provoking an emotional reaction out of you (a picture of their vacation, a post about their promotion, etc.). It can lead to jealousy, even resentment in your relationships.

Another way comparison can cause harm is the way it leads you to over evaluate yourself. While self awareness is good, like all things it needs moderation. Excessive self awareness and self evaluation will get you stuck in your head, overthinking, and preventing you from actually meaningfully engaging in the present.”

Work on Being Nicer to Yourself

“Self-compassion is being nice to yourself. The idea of self-compassion is drawn from Buddhism. Being kind to yourself might sound really simplistic, but it can be a lot harder than it sounds. Many of us have a voice in our heads that chimes in when we mess up. That voice is called the Inner Critic, and it can be hard to notice it sometimes. 

There are times when we’re so immersed in beating ourselves up that we don’t even consider that there’s another option. However, there is always another option. Being kind, gentle, and understanding to yourself is always a choice you can make, it just takes practice to remember that that’s an option.”

Get to Know Yourself Better

“Do you have to get to know yourself? It’s not required, but understanding yourself on a deeper level can increase your overall happiness, reduce the sense of inner conflict you feel, and help you feel more empowered. The better you know yourself, the better decisions you can make. 

You know what your boundaries are and what your needs are. You’ll be able to resist peer pressure or comparing yourself to others, because you’re confident that the path you’re on is right for you (and if you’re not on the right path, you’ll have a map to it when you understand yourself on a deeper level). Not only will it be easier to make decisions and exercise self-control when you get to know yourself better, but you’ll also feel more understanding toward others.”

Dedicate Time to Being Creative Regularly

“Creativity in any form helps us to express our feelings. Whether that’s through writing, singing, dancing, painting, sculpting, etc., creativity gives us an outlet to be freely vulnerable and authentic. 

Through art, music, movement, or other forms of expression we can start to unpack and understand our feelings, and what those feelings are telling us about ourselves, our needs, and our desires.”

Start Using Affirmations

“Research shows that using affirmations can essentially reprogram your mind. Instead of sticking with your old patterns of negative thinking and self-talk, affirmations teach your brain to make new connections. Getting into the habit of using affirmations can also help you get more familiar with the patterns in your day to day thoughts. When you notice what’s going on, you can do something to change it. 

Another great thing about affirmations is that you get to choose them. There are so many things about life that we can’t control and can’t change. One thing we can control is how we think. If you find negative thoughts and assumptions creeping in, you can choose to engage with them or not. You can decide to think about positive things to try to shift that negativity.”

Reparent Your Inner Child

“If growing up you didn’t feel safe and loved and listened to, then because of your inner child, there is still a part of you holding onto that fear. And that fear has likely affected your life as an adult–even though the experience was so long ago. As the adult you are now, you are able to identify what in your inner child needs healing, and then provide them with it. This is how you work as both parent and child within yourself. You are the child, hurting. And you are the parent, helping them heal. 

When you start building a life that makes your inner child feel safe and loved and listened to, you are able to let go of those coping mechanisms you used when you didn’t feel safe and loved and listened to. In this way, inner child work helps you reach the future you want by healing your past wounds.”

Tap Into Your Intuition

“Past experiences are all stored in our brains, and while we may not be actively thinking about them, our brain can access them when it needs to. It uses those past experiences and cues from our environment and our sense of self and all comes together to give us those gut feelings we call intuition. 

Your body and your brain can interpret your environment faster than you can, so when you get a “bad feeling” it doesn’t mean you’re overreacting or being “crazy”–it means that there is something there, some element of your environment that triggered that knowledge in the back recesses of your brain before you could piece it together yourself.”

Explore Spirituality

“At its core, spirituality is about connecting with your world. It’s about finding your values, and finding ways to live your life with them in mind. It’s about finding your purpose, your connection to others, your connection to the world around you. Spirituality, whatever form it shows up in, is how we make sense of the time we’re given in this world.

Spiritual wellness just means that you are asking yourself the question “What does it mean for me to be spiritually fulfilled?” and then doing your best to incorporate practices that help you achieve that fulfilment.”

What are you looking forward to in 2022? If you’re looking for more support as you shift your routines in the new year, talking with a therapist can help.

How to Motivate Yourself to Do Boring Life Tasks

Do you struggle to motivate yourself to do boring life tasks?

We know that self care is not the commercialized version we so often see. (That’s often actually a form of self soothing; providing ourselves with something nice to ease the discomfort or distress of a situation. We talk about the difference between the two a little bit here.)

But, essentially, self care is about developing a life and forming habits that take care of your physical, mental, and emotional needs. 

Which isn’t always as fun as the bubble bath, treat-yourself version of “self care” that we sometimes think of! 

In fact, many ways in which we care for ourselves are very boring chores, such as: 

• Making a grocery list of foods that fill you and make you feel good (physically and emotionally–emotionally nourishing foods are also important, there should be joy in the task of eating too!) 

• Refilling prescriptions

• Remembering to take medicine 

• Making doctors appointments when something is wrong

• Cleaning your home; making sure your space is tidy enough not to inhibit your daily life or get you sick 

• Prioritizing time with people who make you happy and leave you feeling rejuvenated 

• Finding a method/system for remembering appointments

Some of those are more fun than others–seeing our friends for example, isn’t a very hard one to motivate ourselves to do. Making doctors appointments and cleaning our house, however, isn’t really all that fun! Tasks like those, which are important to a healthy, happy, and well rested life, often go neglected because it really is just so hard to find the motivation to do those things–especially when we’re living in a world prone to burning us out already. 

And we’re now also facing the obstacles that come with the winter season. Many of us struggle even more this time of year due to the short, darker, colder days. We’re getting less sunlight and our brain is producing more melatonin because of that, which means we’re more likely to be tired all the time! 

So how can you motivate yourself to do boring self care tasks?

Stop all or nothing thinking: 

Is there a pile of dishes sitting in your sink? Maybe it’s been there for days and it just keeps getting bigger? And now, the bigger it is, the more daunting the task seems? Stop telling yourself you need to do it all at one time. Life is rarely all or nothing. 50% is pretty much always better than 0%! Tell yourself you’ll just start those annoying tasks (dishes, laundry, grocery prep, etc.) and after ten minutes or so, if you want to stop, you’re allowed to. 

Getting started is often the hardest part, especially when the task itself is so massive it feels like even if you start you’ll never finish.  When you tell yourself “I don’t have to finish the dishes, I just have to start them” you’re easing that pressure. Chances are? You’ll realize doing the dishes isn’t actually that bad and you’ll just finish them. And if not? Then some of your dishes are clean now when they weren’t before! 

Select part of the day to be “productive”

You’re not going to want to spend the whole day on boring tasks. If it’s hard to even get yourself started, you’ll never want to dedicate a whole day to it!  Instead, find ways to split the day into productive and non-productive chunks. Give yourself a starting time (“I’ll take a look at my to do list and decide what’s realistic to get done today at 1pm”) or a cut off time (“I’ll try to get what I can done before 3pm, but after that I’m going to rest.”)

Have a “life admin” buddy

Can you coordinate with a friend who might also struggle to get some boring self care done? Maybe the two of you can have cleaning dates where you help each other clean each other’s homes, or meal prep days where you cook or grocery shop together. You could start a monthly “tradition” of getting together to go through your calendars for the month and make sure all your appointments are in there with reminders and any info you’ll need for them. While the tasks themselves might not be fun, having a friend there can add in some joy (maybe even get you looking forward to it!) or just assure you that you’re not the only one who needs a little extra help with these “life admin” tasks sometimes. 

Give yourself a reward

There’s nothing wrong with making boring tasks more appealing with a treat! Maybe when you go grocery shopping, you could stop by the bakery section and pick yourself up a fresh baked treat as a reward for getting groceries. Another idea could be to make plans with friends after appointments you don’t enjoy (see a friend for lunch after a doctor’s appointment, etc) to make them more appealing! While you might not enjoy actually going to the doctor, making it a “rule” that you get something fun in return can help make it a more positive experience overall–and might help you to stop putting it off. 

If you're looking for more support, our therapists are trained in modalities like cognitive behavioral therapy (cbt) to help you move from feeling hopeless to feeling empowered.

Who Can Benefit from Inner Child Work?

What is your inner child?

We’ve talked about it a bit before. If you don’t know, here’s how we’ve described it in the past: 

“Your inner child is exactly what it sounds like: it is you, the younger version of you, still inside of your mind. Imagine that as you grow, you are not outgrowing past versions of yourself, but rather growing around them. So they are still there, inside of you.” 

So, essentially, you are every age you’ve ever been, all at once! While that may seem obvious, it often gets overlooked even as we develop our own self care routines. While we may be caring for our present, adult selves, we don’t necessarily think to care for the child version of ourselves that lives within our current self. 

That work or caring for the childhood version of yourself is called inner child work. 

Oftentimes inner child work is talked about through the lens of healing childhood trauma–wounds we have obtained in childhood often go unhealed into adulthood. And those untended wounds can impact our mental and emotional health, our relationships, etc. 

Inner child work involves getting in touch with your inner child's desires, needs and wounds, and finding ways to reparent yourself in order to meet those needs and heal those wounds. This is also something we’ve touched on before. If you need a refresher as to what it means to reparent your inner child, here is a quick recap: 

If growing up you didn’t feel safe and loved and listened to, then because of your inner child, there is still a part of you holding onto that fear. As the adult you are now, you are able to identify what in your inner child needs healing, and then provide them with it. This is how you work as both parent and child within yourself.  You are the child, hurting. And you are the parent, helping them heal. 

What if I don’t hate my family?

Inner child work can be painful, and often brings up very complicated feelings about your family, as it is about getting in touch with your own unmet needs. But inner child work isn’t just for people who hate their families or don’t want relationships with them. (In fact inner child work can often help to heal those tumultuous relationships, and allow for deeper intimacy). 

So inner child work isn’t about blaming or hating your family. It’s about identifying needs you had that weren’t met and wounds you suffered that have yet to heal. It’s about you finding the spots where you need extra care and giving it to yourself, not about condemning the relationships you have in your life.

People who have both positive and negative relationships with their families can engage in inner child work! Inner child work is about empowering yourself to act as your own parent, and give yourself permission to meet all of your needs. This is something that can be done on your own, or with external support from your family–because it’s not about fixing them. It’s about recignizing the ways in which you can move forward, and serve yourself. 

How do you know if your inner child needs support?

It probably does! Most of us have unhealed wounds from childhood. That doesn’t necessarily mean you’ve suffered a trauma that you haven’t processed yet–but plenty of small things stick with us when we’re children and into adulthood. You might be surprised to learn that there are wounds you’ve been ignoring. 

And even if you don’t have wounds that need healing, it can be an act of self care to tap into your inner child and play with them! Adults benefit from playtime too!  Inner child work can help you tap into that sense of playfulness you might not engage with as frequently as an adult. 

If you’re looking for more support as you explore your inner child, a therapist can help suggest skills that fit your needs. Contact us today!

7 Ways to Get To Know Yourself Better

7 Ways to Get To Know Yourself Better

When was the last time you learned something new about yourself? One of the wonderful parts of being a person is that the journey to get to know yourself is never-ending. We grow and change all the time, depending on what’s going on in the world, our relationships, and how we feel about all of it. It’s not always easy to keep up with the changes, even when they’re happening to us. 

Do you have to get to know yourself? It’s not required, but understanding yourself on a deeper level can increase your overall happiness, reduce the sense of inner conflict you feel, and help you feel more empowered. The better you know yourself, the better decisions you can make. You know what your boundaries are and what your needs are. You’ll be able to resist peer pressure or comparing yourself to others, because you’re confident that the path you’re on is right for you (and if you’re not on the right path, you’ll have a map to it when you understand yourself on a deeper level). Not only will it be easier to make decisions and exercise self-control when you get to know yourself better, but you’ll also feel more understanding toward others. 

Getting to know yourself requires self-compassion. No one wants to get closer to someone who is mean to them! When you practice being kind and compassionate toward yourself, it will be easier to apply that to others as well. Understanding yourself is the gift that keeps on giving! 

If you’re looking for ways to get to know yourself better, here are 7 ideas:

Consider your values

Have you ever explicitly thought about what you value? Not just in a partner or in a job, but in your life. It’s not something we commonly think about, so it’s okay if you’ve never considered it before! Step one to understanding yourself is to understand what is important to you. What you value is a key to what is important to you, so take some time to write down a list of values that are important to you. 

Try new things 

You never know if you’ll like something until you try! One fun way to understand yourself better is to go out of your way to try new things. Try out new hobbies or activities that sound interesting to you. See if you can find any local clubs or organizations that host events. Social media is a great place to check - often many businesses make their events public so you can easily search them and see what’s going on in your area. 

Recall what you liked as a child

What did you like when you were little? What were you instinctively drawn to? Use that as a jumping off point to get to know your adult self. What has changed since you were little? Is there anything you loved then that you don’t like now, and vice versa? If you’re stuck on new things to do or try from the last suggestion, try to use your inner child for ideas. What would little you like to do? 

Take an assessment 

A psychological assessment is a fantastic way to understand your brain on a deeper level. Psychological assessments can be done for any number of reasons, including wanting to understand yourself better. You don’t have to be concerned that you have a diagnosis, although that is another great reason to get tested. Psychological assessments can measure things like intellectual ability, academic functioning, memory and learning, language, visuo-spatial functioning, executive functioning, attention and concentration, emotional functioning, and behavioral functioning, and personality. An assessment can help provide you with a plan to guide you forward in a way that works with your strengths. 

Keep a journal

Keeping a journal is helpful for mental health in so many ways. A journal is a place where you can open up, and it can be helpful for spotting patterns in your thinking and behavior. Keep a journal for a few weeks and look back over the entries - is there anything that comes up multiple times that surprises you? Follow that thread to uncover something new about yourself. 

Learn to listen when you are communicating with yourself

There are a number of reasons why it’s tough to tune into what your mind and body are telling you. You might not be familiar with the way that your body or brain speaks to you. For example, many people have a hard time understanding their body’s hunger and fullness cues after years of restriction and dieting. When you’ve spent so long trying not to notice what your body is saying, it can be really hard to tune back in. Try to keep a note or journal entry where you notice when you are communicating with yourself. Anytime you get a gut feeling, or you hear a tiny voice in your head, try to focus on it instead of pushing it away. 

Practice mindfulness

Getting to know yourself better requires honesty and zero judgment. It’s hard to discover things about yourself if you are beating yourself up for what you find. A regular mindfulness practice can be a great way to train yourself to stop judging your thoughts. Mindfulness is all about being in the present moment, not stuck in the past or worrying about the future. There are lots of ways to practice mindfulness - you can meditate, you can journal, you can walk or dance, you can make art - anything that lets you quiet your brain down so you can simply notice what’s coming up. The trick is to just notice - not to judge or hide. Mindfulness is helpful because it can be used just about anywhere - all you need is your brain. 

If you’re getting to know yourself better, you can get an assessment at Hope+Wellness. We will leave no stone unturned to look at questions you have but also questions you don’t even know you have — so that you can walk away from the evaluation with definitive answers you are seeking, along with a personalized roadmap ahead.

5 Ways to Cultivate Creativity

5 Ways to Cultivate Creativity

How creative are you? Creativity often brings to mind artists or musicians, but there are infinite ways to be creative. You might not consider yourself creative at all, and that’s okay. We tend to think of creativity as something that you either have or don’t, but the truth is that you can become more creative. Cultivating creativity can help boost your self-esteem, improve your work performance, and leave you feeling more fulfilled. 

Every person has the ability to be creative, but we don’t always nurture that ability. Creativity is definitely seen as important to a degree, but we also prize productivity and there’s a myth that creativity can get in the way of that. In fact, the opposite is true. Creativity can help boost productivity in and out of the workplace by helping people to thinking outside the box and problem solve in new ways. 

Even though creativity is a part of everything, some people frown on creativity or think that creating isn’t a worthwhile way to spend time. We all have responsibilities and commitments, but we also all deserve to feel joy and rest. There can be a balance between being creative and being productive, if that’s what you want. Creativity itself can also help with productivity - you can see multiple points of view and approach problems from new perspectives, which can help get things done.

If you’re interested in cultivating creativity in yourself, there are some steps you can take to encourage that! Here are our top tips to cultivate creativity: 

Be curious

One of the keys to creativity is curiosity. Creative folks ask questions. They want to know and understand more. Keep track of the things that make you curious. You can keep a list on your phone or in a journal to see what draws your attention. What are you drawn to? What do you want to know more about? If you’re still getting stuck, go back into your memories. What made you curious as a kid? What were you drawn to back then? Chances are, you still like a lot of that same stuff. See how it feels to explore it now, as an adult. 

Build your confidence

It can be hard to be creative if you don’t have confidence in yourself. Creating is vulnerable. You’re making something out of yourself, and it can be hard to feel confident in sharing that with others. Some folks feel impostor syndrome about creativity - where they feel they aren’t creative enough, they’re just pretending. If that comes up for you, building up your confidence is a helpful step. Set yourself up to succeed at something. If you’re nervous about sharing your creative side with others, pick one person close to you to talk about it with. Pick someone who is a big fan of yours and will be enthusiastic about it. Once you have one good interaction under your belt, it might be easier to talk about. 

Set up a ritual

Sometimes it’s hard to get in the habit of being creative when it’s not something you’re used to. Rituals can help you get in the right mindset to be creative so your brain knows it’s time to create. You can have a simple ritual like lighting a candle before sitting in your creative space, or you can be more involved. Find something that works for you. It can also be helpful to try to tap into your creative energy in a designated space. This isn’t to limit your ability to be creative, but to help you focus on creativity while you’re in that space. Is there a corner where you can set up a little table and keep the things that inspire you? Decorate the area with things that make you feel inspired or curious to stoke that creative fire. 

Be consistent

Another aspect of creativity is consistency. People that are creative are consistently committed to creativity. They make time for it, whether or not they feel like it, and whether or not they produce something. Creativity is like a muscle, and using it over and over will make it easier to access in the future. Set aside a regular chunk of time every week to devote yourself to being creative. You don’t have to have any goals other than have a good time. You don’t have to make anything social media worthy or perfect. Just enjoy yourself and the rest will follow.

Remember that failure is normal

Finally, it’s important to remember that failure is a part of life. It’s really hard to be creative when you’re paralyzed by the fear of failure or rejection. Creativity is about the journey, not the destination. So if you create something that doesn’t work out or doesn’t do well, that doesn’t mean it was a waste of time! At the very least, you’ve learned more about what doesn’t work and that can help you next time. If the fear of not being successful or good enough is holding you back, consider what it would feel like to live your whole life without exploring your creative side. That would probably feel pretty bad, right? If you’re still concerned about what people will think or if you’ll be judged, try to release yourself from the expectations of other people. Your job is to do what’s right for you, and you’re the expert on your own life. You get to decide what works for you! 

If you’re looking for more ways to expand your creativity, therapy can be a great place to explore it. Our clinicians can help you find ways to support your particular creative style, so get in touch today!